Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Very Flat, Norfolk

It's no good. I can't get away from him. This morning I sat on the other side of the carriage. He sat next to me. Suicide seems the only option.

I went to John Lewis at Bluewater on Sunday to pick up my new macbook. Bluewater: what a shithole. One episode of the BBC4 documentary series The Secret Life of the Motorway, featured a long-distance lorry driver who, for relaxation at weekends, drives his wife hundreds of miles so she can do her shopping at shitholes like Bluewater all over the country. He sits outside the shops and reads. He finds it relaxing. They say there are more out than in.

I think I prefer shopping at Argos than John Lewis. There are hundreds of baby buggies at John Lewis. And customer collections takes an age. I was told my mac would be 15 minutes so I spent some time in the wanky hi-tech Apple shop, listening to an assistant saying "Apple just lurve university students" to a university student. I got back at John Lewis within the 15 minutes. Twenty minutes later, after several enquiries, I finally collected my mac. Apparently, they'd already called my name. Even though I was told to go away for 15 minutes. "Never knowingly undersold" should be augmented by "patience is a virtue".

We're off to Norfolk on Saturday for two weeks: another complete break from the internet. Honestly, the lengths we take to get away from our blogging compadres! The question is, will there be enough for us to do in Norfolk for two weeks? Once we've visited the Mustard Museum and paid homage to the Anglia tv knight on horse statue, what else is there to do?

I think I'm getting a bit nutty in my middle age. I mean, Norfolk! I ask you!

15 comments:

  1. Please do an ATV Today - type investigative report on why there is so much blogging going on in Norfolk, to include some black and white interviews in fields where a cow is about to do something embarrassing.
    If you get a moment,

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  2. Are there still American air bases you can visit with your spy camera?

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  3. Will you be bringing your friend from the train Geoff?

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  4. Arabella - I'm hoping there'll be a pub quiz in Norwich so I can say, "From Norwich - it's the quiz of the week."

    Bob - My spy camera was confiscated in Greece.

    Murph - I'm driving and Betty will be sitting next to me. Unless he gets there first, of course.

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  5. I like Norwich. There's a few decent second-hand radio shops and scary ale pubs.

    I even went to the cathedral once. How much for votives?

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  6. And here I thought the only mustard museum was in Wisconsin.

    *wonders if shoe man has a blog and he's blogging about you*

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  7. Billy - And I've just bought my first digital radio! Looking forward to the Very Reverend Roger Rowthorpe on Radio Thetford. We'll visit the cathedral. Not sure about the scary pubs, though.

    MJ - But does the one in Wisconsin cut the mustard? I went back to my old side of the carriage today and shoe man followed me with his fucking abysmal choice of loud yet 'tasteful' mp3's and his loud gum chewing. Drastic measures are called for. I may have to go against my grain and sit further up the carriage.

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  8. It's love. Don't fight it.

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  9. No, it's not like any other love,
    This one is different - because it's us.

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  10. Buy some binoculars from Argos and go looking for birds.

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  11. Does Norfolk do birds (other than turkeys?).

    Actually, we've got a tiny pair which are next to useless in the wild, or even in the garden. And we don't know anybody who's got a big pair.

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  12. If you have time, perhaps you could investigate the true scale of Norfolk inbreeding?
    Is it de facto, or just another urban myth?

    Hope both of you have a relaxing time away from the blogs.

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  13. PS, tell Delia I'll be over for dinner next week.

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  14. Thanks, Istvanski. The true scale of Norfolk inbreeding is breathtaking. Even the Windsors were shocked by the extent.

    Delia be avin' us round for dinner next week, she be.

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  15. They don't have an Anglia knight statue there, do they? I wonder how much that cost, compared to the cost of the actual knight itself, which I believe the Chairman's wife picked up at a second-hand shop, dents and all.

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