Saturday, July 18, 2009

Blind Date

Hattie Lancaster, 33, PR and Marketing Executive

Mark Barrett, 32, Systems Analyst


First impressions Friendly and outgoing. I was very nervous and a bit tongue-tied to begin with so I was relieved she took the initiative.

What did you talk about? Anything and everything. From Rothko to Andy Murray's chances of eventually winning Wimbledon. And music. We were both at the same Animal Collective gig!

Any awkward moments?
I dropped my fork on the floor but the waiter was nearby and quickly gave me a clean one.

Good table manners? Excellent.

Best thing about her? She was funny and interesting. And she has a lovely smile.

Did you go on somewhere? She had to be up early the next day. So, no.

Marks out of 10? 8.

Would you meet again? Yes.


First impressions?
He seemed a little nervous. A friendly face, though.

What did you talk about? Music, mainly. And Andy Murray for about half an hour.

Any awkward moments? He sneezed into his hand then asked me if I had a tissue.

Good table manners? I've seen a lot worse. And a lot better, I'm afraid.

Best thing about him? He likes some good music.

Did you go on somewhere? I had a long journey home and had to get up early the next morning.

Marks out of 10? 5.

Would you meet again? I may see him at a gig. But, no, there was no spark between us.

Mark and Hattie met at some poncey expensive middle-class wanky restaurant in London.


  1. "Poncey expensive middle-class wanky restaurant in London".
    That reminds me - did you ever go to The Ivy?

  2. No. Because we weren't keen my sister decided against it.

    I still get searches for The Victorian Restaurant Bexleyheath, though. They must love me.

  3. Sorry, Geoff, have you been driven to copying chunks out of the Evening Standard?

  4. Excuse me but have we moved on since your childhood stories?

    I'm not making the connection to the story of your life here.

  5. I'm hooked Geoffster.

    I sincerely hope this is the first in an ongoing series.

    (Thinks: Well, if nothing else, it'll save me forking out on the ES...)


    wv: mopta

    (Russian stew?)

  6. Tim - It's the Saturday Guardian Weekend magazine. It's very very cruel.

    MJ - Am I the sort of person who would go to an expensive restaurant for a blind date?

    Morton - I'd find it easy to make up names but giving them jobs is the hard part.

  7. who are these people??

    Are they cousins??

    It's so cosmopolitan visiting here, you're my window on the real world, but I bet neither of them own a pair of wellies and I bet you can't wear wellies in the Ivy.

  8. Bring back Cilla!

    I quite like the Animal Collective although (and it pains me to type this) their earlier stuff is better.

    *runs off to vomit*

  9. Ziggi - These people were made for each other. Relationships should be based on musical compatibility.

    Billy - Haven't they released about 1,000 albums? Cilla's way was a lot more fun than having to have good table manners. What's wrong with the old rub a dub?

  10. Hattie deserves to die a mad old cat woman.

    Mark is obviously gay.

  11. I knew Hattie didn't like him when she used the 'getting up early' excuse.
    Is Mark ginger?

  12. Rog - Have you ever thought of offering your services to the Guardian as a relationship adviser?

    Scarlet - Of course Mark's ginger!

  13. Every. Bloody. Week.

    Bloke is up for it. Girl (probably quite rightly) less so.


    I'm waiting for the first pair to admit they went at it like rabbits.

  14. I'm always hopeful when they have a mature couple.

    Not that I like the idea of them, you know, doing it.

  15. "I'd find it easy to make up names but giving them jobs is the hard part."

    Well, there's no bladdy work about, is there Geoff??



    wv: imsgglue

    "First week with the jar you find....everyone lies...."

  16. Where's the new UB40?

  17. Don't kid yourself, they'll eventually get married and he'll spend the next 30 years feeding his unrealistic fantasy about how much she adores him,
    and she'll nurture her loathing contempt of him and hate herself for not marrying "up".

    They'll raise 2.3 children and the .3 child will become a celebrity or politician. She'll die of alcoholism and Rift Vally Fever in her 80s and he'll go on to become a bon vivant and viagra addict in the old folks home until he dies "doing the deed".

  18. I must send you weekly copies of the Weekend, Donn. You'd have a field day.