1995. After 13 years without a girlfriend, I meet the woman I want to be with for the rest of my life. Amazingly, the feeling is reciprocated.
Please don't throw up.
In 1995, blue-grey haired Hermann and black-haired Clarissa are still not really together. He's a rich stay at home failure. She's a rich success, travelling the world, performing to people with shit in their ears. She comes home, he greets her with sunflowers, she says she's off for another 8 months, touring with her fucking awful classical/free jazz ensemble. And of course she has a lover, a weighty, arty so-called jazz singer.
So off she goes on tour, and Hermann is left trapped in the Hunsruck nest. He steps into an animal trap. On his return from hospital, there is a robin in the house. Yes, free-spirited Hermann, a man whose instinct it is to always run away, is like a trapped bird.
But what of the other Simons?
Ernst continues to live the solitary life. His art collection is sealed in vaults in Batman's cave but he has plans to open a gallery in his grounds.
Anton watches his semi-pro football team, FC Schabbach, win another trophy. He has a heart attack and dies at last at the age of 70.
Hartmut, his conscience seemingly clear after killing Lulu's boyfriend, is still with his young Russian woman. He is waiting for his divorce to go through, and he is suing his father over the future of Simon Optik. When Anton dies, Hartmut takes control of the company.
Lulu, ungrateful bitch, is living in a flat with her young child. She is a single mother as the father of the child was murdered by Hartmut. Hartmut gives Lulu money each month, but obviously not enough to free herself from a flat where she's surrounded by drug addicts and unfriendly neighbours. When Hermann visits her to inform her of her half-uncle's death, she says she has changed her name as "Lulu is a prostitute's name." Hermann, with typical self-loathing and consideration for others, walks away without talking to his daughter, and immediately goes to a brothel where he receives a hand-job for 200 marks. How does his mind work?
One last twist...
Hermann arrives home to find Clarissa's bags and then Clarissa crying her eyes out on the marital bed. Apparently she's sick...Oh dear.
And she may never sing again...
ROLL OUT THE BARREL!
Some book reviews
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