Monday, December 19, 2005

To Dig dig dig dig dig dig dig is what we like to do

The British public love a good soppy song. Robbie Williams' Angels, Robson and Jerome's Unchained Melody, Westlife's Flying Without Wings. Good funeral songs for dead people.

And this Christmas we have the ultimate in marketed soppiness. We've been told that The JCB Song is a tragic thing about a dyslexic boy who gets bullied at school and skives off to be with his dad who drives him round town in a JCB. The boy imagines his dad is dead kung fu film star, Bruce Lee. Heartbreaking, eh?

Trouble is, in the song itself, the "bullies" at school are only mentioned in passing. The dyslexia isn't mentioned at all. The song is much ado about nothing, but the nation is crying at a story which doesn't exist in the song but in the hype around it.

And call me old fashioned, but if your dad is Bruce Lee you don't want him driving you round in a digger truck like some twat out of Trumpton, thereby giving the bullies more ammunition to take the piss out of you. You want your dad to kick seven shades of shit out of the bullies' fathers.

Or preferably your mum.

And she's Uma Thurman.


  1. Ah yes, Christmas. Time for the saccharine sweetness in quantities to gag an elephant, and few people really mean it.
    Although this story has to be one of the stranger ones I've ever heard of.
    I'd want Bruce Lee to teach ME how to kick the crap out of the bullies!

  2. I think the song's going to be pipped to the Christmas Number One by the X-Factor winner, Shayne. I haven't heard or seen him yet and I don't want to.

    I'd much prefer Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas to be Christmas Number One and banish the bullies forever.