Tuesday, June 24, 2008

North Cornwall, June 2008

It started so well. The weather and the scenery were beautiful.

Absolutely gorgeous

We were really relaxed and laid back.

The foot that launched a thousand ships

Then came the dark clouds.

If Anton Corbijn sold holidays...

And with them came a cloud over my mood. A mini nervous breakdown, caused by the following...

1. Work frustrations rearing their ugly head.
2. The dead atmosphere in the village's one horse pub with its loop of The Eagles Greatest Hits Including The Really Shit Stuff From The Eighties and the seventies menu including gammon with pineapple rings.
3. The small claustrophobic rooms in the cottage.
4. Being woken at 6.30 each morning by the clippety clop hooves of a ghost horse.
5. The shit radio reception in the cottage, giving us a choice of the appalling Virgin or the "Take me back to when I was a miserable fifteen year old" Planet Rock.
6. The shit television reception in the cottage which made all the Euro 2008 matches look like they were being played in snowstorms.
7. Our dirty clothes getting locked in the cottage's broken washing machine.
8. A hairy coastal drive in which I thought the car was going to break down stuck on the edge of a cliff as I attempted a tricky seventy-three point turn.

We left for home six days early.

Those of you who aren't going on holiday this year can laugh your tits off. Go on, it's funny. Those of you going somewhere more sensible, I salute you.

I need a holiday.


  1. Whaaaaaattttt?????

    The Ghost horse may have been a Night Mare.

    Sorry to hear this. We all thought you were down the Kostas with Kaz! At least it's going to make you see Winterton in a new light.

    Put your feet up and get out of those wet soapy clothes!

  2. You need a holiday from your holiday?

  3. Oh no - Geoff - that's terrible - what a shame. Can you take a bit more time off at home before you go back to work?

  4. Murph - Our Norfolk village last year had a thriving pub. This Cornish one was just dead - the landlord even lit his cigar a few times in the bar as he knew that zombies don't complain about smoke. The Kostas with Kaz would have been much nicer.

    Llewtrah - I'm having one now, in the comfort of my own home. Pass the sangria, Betty!

    Romo - I've just spent a few hours in the garden and feel a lot better. Those extra few degrees in the South East are noticeable.

  5. But did you go to Echo Beach?

  6. Why is your toe veering eastward?

    Does it act independently from the rest of your foot as a weather indicator?

  7. Oh - I thought you'd come back to sue me for those comments I made about you when returned.
    Did you still have time to get my fridge magnet?

  8. Tim - If I'd seen Jason Donovan I would have topped myself.

    MJ - The toe next to the big toe on both my feet defy logic. I also have cloven hooves. I am not all human.

    Kaz - We renewed our wedding vows at the village church. The vicar saw us while he was ringing the bells for two hours at 5.30 in the afternoon. He had very big muscles. I got you a Jethro coaster. There's a stain on his beard where I put my coffee cup.

  9. it wasn't snow it was just heavy rain.

    Still now you can watch Germany win in the comfort of your own comfy chair / pub / home.

  10. I'm glad you weren't offended by the binge drinking rumours.

  11. Ziggi - Germany 1 Turkey 1. Germany on penalties?

    Kaz - I'm a proud binge drinker. But Lonnie Donegan was a flash in my pan.

  12. Gammon & Pineapple AND The Eagles and you're still miserable?

    Some people are bloody hard to please. Cornwall can be a bit funny though, inhabitant-wise.

  13. Being half-Cornish I'm kind of drawn to the place. I don't know why. But being half-Kentish I'm kind of drawn away.

    The Kernow flags on the cars wind me up nearly as much as Jesus fish.

  14. How depressing for you. I'm sorry. Mind you, from your YouTube clip from a few days before it seemed you were off to Robben Island. I expect the experience would have been much the same, apart from Instant Whip in place of gammon and pineapple rings.

  15. The weather would have been a lot better. And the accommodation.

  16. Jeez, you must have driven right past my door. Next time ok, cup of tea and watch the footy with us. Mind you if Cornish weather does you in, the Dartmoor stuff would kill you.

  17. So that's why Dartmoor's so green!

  18. If it's any consolation (probably not), it's raining and miserable here on the south Cornish riviera, and has been for weeks.

  19. If Cornwall's the riviera, Kent's the Congo.