Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Worst Songs Of The Decades

I'm signing off this year with a look back at the decades in shite. Shite has always been in the charts and always will be, annoying the fuck out of right thinking people everywhere. So without further ado:

The Sixties: Freddie & The Dreamers - You Were Made For Me.

This is Freddie at his most hyper, singing to a frightened dog on Blue Peter. There were thousands of frightened children at home, wishing he'd go away.

The Seventies: Don McLean - American Pie

Fuck me, does this go on! It was always on the radio at the time, clogging up the schedules. Imagine seeing this prick live and not wanting to kill him. Later Madonna covered it. Cunt.

The Eighties: Eurythmics - There Must Be An Angel (Playing With My Heart)

In the 80s this duo were responsible for a hell of a lot of violence in pubs when their songs came on the video jukebox. And this is their nadir. You can see Lennox at least once on every series of Later With Jools, dancing like a wanker to anything. She has no taste whatsoever.

The Nineties: Wet Wet Wet - Love Is All Around

My sister once met Marti Pellow in a pub. Instead of glassing him she only went and said "I really respect you." What the fuck? This song is actually decent when played by The Troggs or even REM but blue-eyed Scottish white soul really takes it in a whole other direction.

The Noughties: Bodyrockers - I Like The Way You Move

The creepiest song of all time. This bloke is real heavy-breather material. He probably uses a litre bottle of baby oil every time he makes sweet love with his poor victims. His genitalia are so slippery it wouldn't take much of a push to propel them from one side of an ice-rink to the other.

I hope you enjoy your evenings with plenty of food, wine and song. We will be watching BBC3's Most Annoying People 2009 in anticipation of a new decade of tosspots beaming their inane smiles at us and talking out of their arses.

Happy New Year, everyone!


  1. I have to go to work in a while so these videos will have to wait.

    I just hope they'll "Do the Freddie" in that first clip.

    Happy New Year, Geoff!

  2. I know - and am agreeing with - all your choices.
    Even though Freddie's drummer Bernie used to play football (and go boozing)with Kev.
    Enjoy the evening and the year.

  3. Ah, something I recognise at last. F. and the Dreamers. A really creepy bloke, tho' I understand he was kind to his mother. So were the Kray twins.

    Happy New Year, Geoff. Keep cracking the whip!

  4. Happy New Year Geoff

    I don't like any of those songs and I don't even know the last one.

  5. Controversially, I love Don Maclean and Wet Wet Wet.

    But then I'm a Coldplay, Killers and Dan Brown fan so you can ignore that!

  6. Yup, can't disagree with these. Isn't Love Is All Around a piss-take? No-one could sing that stuff seriously could they?

  7. MJ - Of course they do the Freddie! It's what they do. Happy New Year!

    Kaz - You can't blame the drummer (unless you're talking about the Kaiser Chiefs). Cheers, have a drink on me!

    Christopher - We all wish we could dance like him, though. Happy New Year.

    Ziggi - You're lucky to hear it now, then. Happy New Year.

    Rog - You are so contrary! The day Wet Wet Wet formed was the day the music died!

    Billy - Marti's emotions come straight from the heart.

  8. I was one of those scared children at home.

    You saved the best till last. Completely brilliant. I may have to print out, enlarge and laminate the American Pie paragraph.

    It's hours away here but you're nearly there - Happy New Year both.

  9. Freddie should not have been let near children or animals. Or adults.

    Happy New Year, Arabella.

  10. I loathe Don McLean's American Pie and anything by Wet Wet Wet too.

    I also hate Bruce Springsteen and his intolerable cheesiness particularly song starting 'Hey little girl, is your Daddy home? Did he go and leave you all alone, uhuh, gonna take you high...'

    Anthem for a paedo or what!??

    Happy New Year! Laura x

  11. I still think that Dancing IN the Moonlight song tops it for me! Happy New Year Geoffster. PS: New podcast up over at mine. Finally.

  12. Laura - Bruce always had a thing for his "little girl". The older he got the more creepy it sounded. Happy New Year.

    Romo - Yes, it was a toss up between Toploader and Wet Wet Wet. Happy New Year. We will come over and listen to the podcast. Cheers!

  13. I like American Pie.

    The rest were shite though.

  14. Americans make too much of everything.