Thursday, March 03, 2011

A Hairy Escape

Last night I had a bad-trip dream.

I walked into some kind of market and was accosted by a woman standing outside a building. I seemed to be on a promise but she asked me to do something before I could go inside with her. She was a kind of hippy woman but not too smelly. I said OK I'd do whatever she wanted.

She went inside and came out again with people I could only describe as her sisters. Her older sisters, hairy and more smelly. Men appeared around me who looked like this...

They smelled to high heaven, too. They were chewing heavy wholemeal bread which I could see was what the commune were selling at the market as the bread was stacked high on a stall.

My new girlfriend handed me a false beard. She said I was to wear it before I could get access. The beard was made from hairy pubes, earth-mother minge hair presumably donated by the ladies present. Don't ask me how I know none of it was from the men but I just did, OK?

Then the eldest woman present brought a bowl containing a placenta to the proceedings. Don't ask me how I knew it was a placenta, I just did, OK?

I put on the minge beard and the placenta was handed to me to cuddle. Meanwhile, the men (see above) were watching me intently, chewing their bread. And the women looked at me with maternal pride.

So the dream ended.

But in real life, here's my latest film. Don't all rush at once.


  1. I've always thought that Gentle Giant image to be really sinister.
    You have a very vivid imagination yourself Geoff....Robots discussing Kraut Rock indeed.

  2. Merkins, placentas and, most disturbingly, a sense of smell? Vivid indeed...

    I had a dream last night that I had some of the old, big 50p pieces and was trying unsuccessfully to spend them. That's as exciting as mine get.

  3. It can't have been easy, being haunted by this all day.

    I dreamt the other night that I was being strained through an enamel colander. Not pleasant.

  4. I Googled “minge beard” and found this.

  5. Sorry - don't want to hog the comments thread - but you've reminded me of a series of pre-war American roadside billboards, spaced at quarter mile intervals, reading:

    To get away

    From hairy apes

    Ladies jump

    From fire escapes

    Burma shave

    Just thought you might like to know. Not that I remember them, of course.

  6. Rog - Once seen, that image is never forgotten. Thank you for watching the film. I'm running out of credits and viewers.

    Spinsterella - I don't think I actually smelt anything but the visuals gave me the sense that something was going on. The old 50p pieces were monsters.

    Christopher - You can have too many colanders. They put a strain on your relationships.

    MJ - He's going to need that headband.

    Christopher - And this was in the days before waxing!

  7. Er... it's like one extreme to another. I'd rather stay with the robots than the crusty pube people.

  8. I'm not torn either. Give me a cold robot any day.