Thursday, October 04, 2007

About Bloody Time, Too!

Ah, Norfolk. It seems like another lifetime. When windmills were active on land and not in the sea. When postmen sang and were happy with their lot!

Here then are the photos. What a lovely time we had.

1. Winterton-on-Sea
Winterton should really be called Windterton. If we'd brought any sandwiches to eat on the beach, they would have been full of sand by the second mouthful. Winterton has a desolate air, a bit like George Alagiah.

2. No Dogs!
Most of Norflok's beaches have a policy of not allowing dogs to roam the sands in the summer months. Presumably so that we don't get any headlines like "Devil Dog Ate My Little Angel". Of course, the dogs themselves can't read and drag their owners onto the beaches, unclip themselves from their collars and run around like crazy. the second photo in this section is proof. Those aren't seagull footprints!

3. Cromer.
Cromer. A poor man's Great Yarmouth. Whereas Yarmouth pier has the superb Jim Davidson, Roy "Chubby" Brown and the Chuckle Brothers on its bill, Cromer's lineup is distinctly provincial. I mean, "Magic, a Kind of Queen"! Who dreams these up? Elton Ben*?

4. A National Trust Lake
This is the lake we stopped at to take some pictures, just minutes before my brand new Primark t-shirt was shat on by some bastard bird. "Get off moi fuckin' land," the bird chirped as I walked disconsolately to the cafe, to be greeted by some foul tasting National Trust tea which was polluted by its "green" recycled packaging. What's wrong with a proper cup, eh?

5. Sheringham Park
Beautiful, beautiful Sheringham Park. Go there. The garden to our holiday cottage was supposed to contain grass snakes. I'm glad I didn't see them as I have a snake phobia. At the entrance/exit to Sheringham Park kids can write what wildlife they have spotted on their way round the routes. Adders came up quite regularly. I'm glad that most kids are lying little shits otherwise I would have been cacking myself all the way round. One kid had seen a "bear". Oh yeah? This isn't Yellowstone, buster!

* Copyright Betty's dad.


  1. Did you see Stephen Fry? Or that fat Nazi cunt Bernard Matthews?

  2. They probably meant 'calculators' which had all been thrown away now they can't use them in the GCSE.

  3. I once got sent to Sheringham on business. I had to get someone to drive as back then I didn't have a licence. My driver spent the day looking round Sheringham and nearby areas. I spent the day slaving over a computer.

  4. Have you considered a career with Frommers?

  5. Tim - We did see a road sign for Bernard Matthews but we didn't follow it. Norfolk is "bootiful", though. We did get a snatch of Stephen Fry overtaking an artic. A bit of Fry and lorry.

    Kaz - As the snake said to the lizard..."slide rules".

    Llewtrah - Sheringham is a very old fashioned town. Lovely beach and a good variety of dogs. But you can see the world from your computer.

    MJ - Now Lonely Planet have been taken over by the BBC I think I've lost my chance there. Besides, I couldn't travel the world and leave Betty at home. We've never spent a night apart in 57 years of marriage.

  6. A local dog writes:

    Nice pics Geoff. Thanks for Sheringham.

    We go to Winterton in Winter when we are allowed on the beach, and Summerleyton in Summer.

    Jim Davison and Roy "Chubby" Brown have been taken off at Yarmouth because of the Blue Tongue Crisis.

  7. We looked out for you and Oz but we could only see similar sized dogs together. Does every pair of bipeds have two dogs in Norfolk?

    It's a shame Marcel Marceau's just died as he could have taken over from the blue tongues. We will have to do with family entertainment such as Joe Pasquale.

    Yarmouth's a scary town!

  8. Did you catch crabs at Cromer?

  9. I don't think the crabs were biting while we were there. The crab sandwiches were "off" in every cafe we entered.