Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Victorian Values

I love Victoria Wood. I love her sketches. I love her sitcom, dinnerladies. But if there's one thing she'll be remembered for, it's her awful songs. This one in particular.

This song is the first thing I associate with her name, before any of the great work she's produced. For this is my regular earworm.

It's sheer bloody torture. It's so long. Just when you think she's finished, there's another verse. Then another.

"Let's Do It!" "Let's Do It!"

No! Please! I don't want to! Geoffrey doesn't want to do it! Please, Victoria, no!

And the climax, the bit at the end, the bit that's with me, day in, day out. The bit I can never get out of my head.

"Beat me on the bottom with a Woman's Weekly!"

It almost makes me physically sick.


  1. "Beat me on the bottom with a Woman's Weekly!"

    Agreed - it's got to be a Woman's Realm or nothing...

  2. You can keep your Woman's Weekly. Give me a People's Friend any time.

    But seriously, you can't have a go at Victoria Wood. She's a national institution, for goodness' sake. Heck, you'll be dissing dear old Patience Strong next...

  3. Oh good, another dinnerladies fan.

    She split up with Geoffrey, though. Maybe it was the avocado on the nether portions that did it.

  4. I like those lyrics.

    Then again, I'm originaly from Urmston.

  5. Thanks for the warning Geoff.

    Wasn't she married to Ali Bongo?

  6. Billy - The Realm of the Senses?

    Frumplingtons - I do love Victoria. She should just stay well clear of a piano.

    Tim - I forgot he was another Geoffrey. Maybe that's why I take this so personally.

    Murph - I hope you've never experienced any Dog World beatings.

    Istvanski - That's what I've been telling Betty for years. Apparently the magic went out of their relationship.

  7. I saw that song on the telly a while ago for the first time in about 15 year and I remembered all the words.

    Isn't there a bit about a hostess trolley?

    And burn the something buttons off me flameproof nightie?


  8. That version wasn't even the original. That must be about 40 years old.

  9. Oh god - I knew it would be that song before even scrolling down to the youtube still. I think Victoria Wood is really clever but there is something hugely irritating about that song and the way she sings it and even what she is wearing and how she shakes her hair when she sings it. I'm not pressing play. I can't do it.

  10. Don't do it, Romo!

  11. I didn't do it Geoff. I don't need to. It is embedded in my memory and always gets trawled out on those Top 50 best comedy moment programmes - aagh - quick - where's the remote?