Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Four Hands

"Free Kleenex tissues!"

It happens about once a month. I exit the train station and they're there, blocking the pavement.

"Free tissues!"

Free tissues. A little pack of Kleenex tissues. The anti-viral sort that kill germs.

Not very useful for me. I use more toilet paper than I do tissues most days. And I don't think anti-viral tissues are suitable for wiping your arse.

"Free tissues!"

People are lapping them up. Look at him! That bloke over there! He can't get enough free tissues. He opens one of his packets. He takes out a tissue. He holds it to his hooter and blows. He feels good. He feels so good he might wipe his arse on one of the tissues later. I wouldn't if I were him. But I think he's going to. You don't get much for nothing nowadays and what you do get you've got to get maximum value out of it. Not only blow his nose and wipe his arse, he may well have a little wank into one when he gets home. Just a little one, half a teaspoon or so. They're not mansize you see, but they will kill 99% of the germs in his jizz. If only he could do all three at once. Blow his nose, wipe his arse and have a little wank. But he'd need four hands for that. Count them.


  1. Can one control the amount of jizz?

  2. You could call him Titanic.

    Went down with all hands and no seamen survived.

  3. MJ - That sounds like a question Prince Charles asked his father in 1963. I've heard that Sting can let it out a little at a time, like a scientist with a pipette.

    Rog - Man overboard!

  4. Some people love free stuff, whatever it is.

  5. The little deodorants went like hot cakes.

  6. HAHAHA! Oh to release the sacred triumverate of excretions all in one day.
    One should be so lucky.

    Sting and his bloody sexcapades...
    oooh he makes me so mad!
    Somehow I doubt if Trudy enjoys being poked for 4 bloody hours?

  7. Sting has sourced a very rare "natural viagra" plant from the Amazon. He's always been about making wood last longer.