Saturday, October 10, 2009

A Commute Too Far

All Martin wanted was some peace and quiet. A few minutes quiet contemplation.

Sitting opposite him, a middle aged man was crouched over a laptop, tapping lightly on the keys, a look of self-importance on his face.

Martin could handle that.

To his right, a young lad was stretched out, eyes closed, mouth open, listening to what sounded like awful indie for the brain dead.

Martin could handle that.

To his left, a middle aged woman was playing a moronic game on her mobile phone, a gormless fucking look on her face.

Martin could handle that.

Then Martin's mother got on the train. She sat down beside him.

"I'm getting the early train this morning, love. Barbara's not in. She's got an appointment at the hospital. She hasn't told us what for. I'm sure it's nothing. Lovely girl, Barbara."

Martin could handle that.

Martin knew his mother wouldn't push it too far. She knew he liked peace and quiet in the mornings. She would awkwardly shut up now and shyly get out her Daily Mirror. Martin's mother was one of the few Mirror readers on a train full of Metros and Daily Mails.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" he exclaimed.

Martin's mother had pulled out the Mail.

Martin couldn't handle that.

16 comments:

  1. Now - I might think this was about you Geoff.
    Except I seem to remember that your mum does read the Mail.
    Poor Martin.

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  2. My mum used to read The Mirror. She tends to go with the well-off oldie flow nowadays.

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  3. It would be a mercy to put the daft old bat of her misery.

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  4. Martin's mum, not yours, Geoff.

    Or are they indeed one and the same?

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  5. I am unaware of the significance of that paper..is that the one with the page 3 gals?

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  6. Lucien - There must be a blinding light that comes which shows you how to read the unreadable.

    Chelsea - Thank you.

    Donn - It's the xenophobic one with the scare stories.

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  7. It's quite handy for keeping in touch with house prices though.

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  8. I love that house price news.

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  9. Besides the house price news, what other sections do you recommend?

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  10. I recommend the Letters page which gives me a sense of how right thinking people like me are thinking about the important issues.

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  11. What I really meant to say was that women of a certain age who read the Daily Mail deserve all the love and succour we have at our disposal.

    Particularly "Martin's" mum.

    Come to think of it, so does anyone, of any age, who reads the Daily Mail for anything other than its comedy value.

    Euthenising such people would clearly be an act of the basest callousness.

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  12. perhaps the Mirror had sold out?

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  13. Lucien - They shouldn't be allowed to vote, though.

    Ziggi - Then she should have gone without!

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  14. Very droll Geoff! I like.

    Personally I am in agreement with comedian Marcus Brigstocke. I buy the Daily Mail as it makes me angry enough to write! I may have even come up with that excuse just before he did!

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  15. There are a few blogs about in which the content is almost exclusively rants at the Mail. And why not?

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