Saturday, October 03, 2009

Head Soup

The little plane was full, flying over Africa, on its way to the documentary for Chef Aid.

On board were Jamie Oliver, Marco Pierre White, Jean-Christophe Novelli, Gordon Ramsay, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, Antony Worrall Thompson, The Hairy Bikers, Nigella Lawson, Heston Blumenthal and Brian Turner. Pop star Gary Numan was the pilot.

Suddenly the plane started to splutter and Numan gave an announcement.

"I'm going to have to make an emergency landing."

They all woke up in the middle of the unexplored African jungle, tied up and surrounded by a hostile secret tribe of cannibals!

The tribe's chief was sitting on a throne in front of them.

"You know what I really fancy for dinner?" he said.

"No!" said the rest of the tribe in unison.

"I really fancy a bowl of head soup."

"Us, too!" said the rest of the tribe in unison.

So the tribe's butcher cut off the heads of the chefs, Oliver spitting in his face as he sawed the neck, Ramsay effing and blinding about the sloppy way he was cutting and Fearnley-Whittingstall asking for the recipe.

After four hours on a low heat, the soup was eventually ready. The chief was first to taste it. You could hear a pin drop as the rest of the tribe waited to hear the verdict.

"You have done remarkably well," he said to the tribe's chef. "The seasoning is, as usual, subtle yet piquant. The consistency is absolute perfection. But, I am afraid that this soup is not fit for such an illustrious tribe as ourselves."

"Why, Chief?" said the tribe's chef.

"You can blame me," said the chief. "I should have known. I am versed, after all, in the proverbs of the world. I should have known."

"Why, Chief?" asked the rest of the tribe in unison.

He raised his fists to the sky.

"Too many cooks spoil the broth!"


  1. Thankfully my Tony (Anthony Bourdain) wasn’t on board.

  2. That's why they're called head chefs?

    Blumenthal would have poisoned the whole tribe.

  3. Did you make this up yourself Geoff?
    If so you should be writing scripts for channel 4.

  4. MJ - So where's Tony's 2 veg?

    Rog - That's the alternative version where he cooks for them and the chefs escape!

    Kaz - I did but it's a joke that's probably been done before by someone like Jim Davidson. I'm waiting to get the Two Pints Of Lager job on BBC3.

  5. Well I enjoyed it, but then again I'm a bit cheesey.

  6. The secret of writing a poor joke is to start with the punchline.

  7. I quite liked it although I groaned at the

  8. That's what punchlines are for.

  9. Bravo!

    The only chef that I could nibble on would be Nigella :)

  10. Somehow, I suspect I had that coming...


  11. Welcome Pearl. It was hackneyed, wasn't it?