Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Heimat 3 - Part 1 of 6: The Happiest People in the World

Barely two weeks after I came off my bike after the longest journey of my life, I'm back on it. Hallelujah! It's Heimat 3. And only six episodes? Booooooooooo!

It's 1989. 1989? A full nineteen years since Hermann left Clarrisa again and went home to his mummy. What's happened in the intervening years?

Well, basically he's junked all that electronic music nonsense and become a famous conductor travelling from city to city. And his hair has aged. He now has distinguished grey 49 year old hair. On the head of a 25 year old.

So Hermann is alone in yet another city: Berlin, on the day the wall begins to fall. He goes into his hotel bar to watch events unfold on tv. And who should be in the same bar watching the same telly? Fuck me if it isn't Clarissa!

She's wearing more make-up, has bigger, presumably dyed (i.e. undyed) hair, and is now a famous singer travelling from city to city.

And absence makes the heart grow fonder. Neither are in relationships (not that that stopped them before) and they immediately go to bed:
Hermann: I've just conducted Schubert'.
Clarissa: 'I've just sung Schubert'.
So they have a Schubert dip.

They decide to spend the rest of their lives together. And buy a house in the Hunsruck together. And live happily ever after.

Well, this is the plan but I'm sure Hermann will run away at some point because that's what he does, useless human being that he is.

So it's back to Schabbach for Hermann and reconciliation with his half-brothers, the wild-card eccentric aviator Ernst, and evil bastard owner of optical instrument multinational Simon Optiks, Anton. Hermann can feel Anton sucking him back into the bosom of his family immediately.

But bollocks to the brothers, they're from the first series. We're dealing with artists now. And Hermann and Clarissa are busy little bees. They've spent too long on the road. They need a nest to be themselves and shag on the floor.

And Clarissa has in mind a desolate old haunted ruin of a building on a precipice overlooking the Rhine, inside the military security zone of an American nuclear missile base. And they buy the house. And Clarissa meets some out of work stage hands in Leipzig. And she brings them to the West to rebuild the house at a rate of 10 West German marks per hour. Which is worth 120 East German marks. And the stage hands' families come over from Leipzip at Christmas. They all go off to the Alps for a break. And one of the poor stage hands' wives falls in love with Hermann's rich, nose-bleeding personal assistant.

Oh, Christ. Here we go again.

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