The White Diamond

Virgin Money are offering me another great investment opportunity. Apparently, because I've invested with them in the past, I know a sweet deal when it falls in my lap. Apparently, heads I win, tails I get my money back. Apparently, I can invest from as little as £3,000 to a COOL £1 million.

Now, a million pounds might be cool to Richard Branson, but to me, an Equitable Life investor, a lump sum ISA investor at the peak of the stock market, who would not know a sweet deal if it dropped in my lap and a bear began licking my genitals, a million quid looks like crazy money. But I suppose Richard thinks its cool to be rich because he wants to be seen as being cool. When in fact he's about as cool as Jeremy Clarkson. Or Tony Blair.

But having crazy money does make some people crazy. Hence Richard's space balloon adventures. He might say it's fun. I might say it's a rich man with a death wish.

He would do better to give a substantial amount of money to the subject of this Werner Herzog documentary. Graham Dorrington does aeronautical research at London University. And he aims to build an airship which will float above the tops of jungle trees where he believes lie the answer to many of mankind's ills. And who's to say he's not right?

The film is not about the tops of trees in the Guyanan jungle, though. It is about a man who believes he is responsible for the death of a German cinematographer in 1994. Because he let him fly alone, above the tops of the trees of the Indonesian jungle. He let him land in a tree. He let a storm come and dislodge his airship. He let him fall to his death with a terrible thud. He let him lose an eye but not his consciousness. And he let him die whilst Graham and his assistants carried him across dangerous terrain.

Of course Graham isn't responsible. Just as he isn't responsible for the welfare of Werner Herzog who demands to join Graham on the maiden flight of his new airship. They land safely even though the main engine pulls them backwards.

Graham feels responsible and he somehow wants to make it right. He wants to create the perfect gentle, safe flight. He wants his flying machine to float above the trees in silence. I'm not sure that he wants to come back to earth.

The documentary is also the story of another gentle man. Mark Anthony Yhap is a local man who has been hired to help out with the mission. His family have all left Guyana and his best friend is a cockerel named Red. Mark Anthony would like to fly away, too. To Malaga to see his mother. And he's hoping his mother will see this film and invite him over. He hasn't heard from his mother in years. He gets a ride in the airship but he ends up where he started.

If I was a man who is comfortable with hugging I would want to hug both men and tell them everything's going to be alright.

But I'm not that type of guy.

So I tear Virgin Money's letter into pieces.

And wait for the next investment opportunity.