One of Gordon Brown's first tasks as Prime Minister is to cheer up a depressed nation. What with the state of education, health, housing, and the awful summer weather, Gordon is looking for something to elevate our spirits. And he thinks he's found the ideal pick-me-up.
"There was a golden age of comedy," says Gordon. "And that was the silent era, the era when two of Great Britain's greatest ever comedians, Stan Laurel and Charlie Chaplin, were making the world laugh until it cried."
Gordon's brainwave is to make the first ever national silent movie.
"We are the leaders in CCTV technology," says the PM. "We are a mere 1% of the world's population, yet we have in operation 25% of the world's surveillance cameras. On 23rd October 2007, I propose that we as a nation dress as our favourite silent screen star and walk in a funny manner in our streets. The Commissioner of the Metropolitan Police has kindly agreed to dress his men and women in the uniform of the Keystone Cops for the day. He has further promised me that any arrests made on that day will be made in an amusing and slapstick way."
There is a warning, however, for any would-be Harold Lloyds.
"I am afraid that all action must be confined to ground level. Anybody found scaling a building or hanging off a large clock 300 feet in the air will be most severely dealt with by the police, after they have followed the perpetrators on a rickety old ladder."
Footage of the day's events will be available on the Government's website. Participants will be able to search for film of themselves by entering a postcode and time of day.