Monday, April 14, 2008

Stay At Home, Dads!

Presenters and guests on Sky Sports News are having kittens over parents' and coaches' behaviour at kids' football matches. Parents are being given exclusion zones around the pitches so they don't encroach.

There's nothing worse than a big-mouthed dad. Walk past any kids' match and you'll hear them. The big-mouthed ignorant bullying know-nothing dads who get worked up over a piss poor British-style kick and rush game of so-called football with little skill. It's all about the winning. The fun disappeared decades ago.

"How can we ensure the parents behave?" the experts ask.

Of course the answer is you can't. You've got to keep them away. When I was a kid I would have hated it if my dad had watched me play any of the sports I took part in. Talk about embarrassment! And my dad was a placid, easygoing sort.

These poor kids not only get the embarrassment of failing in front of their parent, they get the added bonus of being embarrassed by the twat's big stupid mouth.


  1. Weirdly, I was just having a conversation with my parents about this.

    My brother used to play football and all the dads were like "slice him up" and such rubbish.

    Although apparently, gymnasts are worse.

  2. Most parents only want their kids to get some exercise , learn some skills and have fun. I'm just starting #4 in soccer...been doing the gymnastics, baseball, karate, kickboxing, dance, etc...for over 18 years already.

    I survived tolerating idiot parents who were living vicariously through their children's sporting events by making fun of them.

    All of the other parents need to present a SHUT UP YOU BIG TWAT united front. Most will finally smarten up. For those that don't I carry an ether rag in my pocket.

  3. Hi Geoff - may I come in?

    Was it was different when team games/matches/tournaments formed a recognised part of the curriculum? Matches were usually played on weekdays, when parents were thankfully at work.

    I can remember some teachers, though, who could have had the ether rag administered to great advantage.

  4. But what about tennis?
    There's something so wierd when a muti millionaire grown up always has mummy and daddy up there in the box and creepily following them round the world.

  5. Billy - Gymnasts? Like, "Break your f***ing neck, you little t**t!"?

    MJ - "I bet my dad could kill your dad!"

    Donn - I don't think some of these dads would take kindly to having the piss taken out of them. It's not just the dads, it's the bullying "coaches". It's all about winning, not developing skills.

    Christopher - You're always welcome. I have only good memories of school football before the age of 11. The teacher just let us get on with it and there was no shouting involved. It was fun. We very rarely had dads on the touchline as they were at work. The PE teachers at big school were a bit more like the Brian Glover character in Kes, though.

    Kaz - I had hours of fun playing tennis when I was growing up with only a few hours of initial tuition from one of my dad's mates. I learnt to play myself against my friend and against the wall. You cannot enjoy a sport if you're having a parent breathing down your neck. You're living your life for them. It must really screw up your relationship with them.

    Murph - Tim's parents both played tennis to County standard and got together to build a super race of tennis man-machines. Nobody could beat our Tim!

  6. Of course I agree with you Geoff, but where would we be without all these thick, semi concious twats that make up the vast proportion of the human race.
    'You got to admit it is quite funny when some fat beer bellied Dad implores his nine year old son to 'slice up' the bespectacled middle class rocket eating wimp opposition.

  7. Being a delicate child, my showing off was restricted to school plays, debating competitions and the like. My father's contribution was restricted to finding a comfy seat at the back and unobtrusively falling asleep.

  8. Tom - Comic, yet tragic. The whole culture breeds footballers who when they are young are the biggest/quickest/most selfish/most vocal. Ball skills and awareness don't get a look-in. You've got to be one of the lads. Yes, I'm talking bullshit but I mean it.

    Tim - I was in a school play once. I was so nervous I overcompensated and my voice boomed like Brian Blessed's. At least you get nice women teachers to do your make up in school plays. With football you get a nazi PE teacher making you have a communal shower.

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