The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

I've never before tried to collate them. I've probably forgotten a few but I remember where I saw each and every one of those who I remember.

Chance sightings of people in the public eye. Don't you just love it when it happens? And don't you think later of the things you would have asked them if you'd only had the guts to go up and speak to them?

Here's a couple of lists of people I've seen, where I've seen them and what I wished I'd asked them...

PEOPLE IN THE PUBLIC EYE I'VE SEEN IN MY LUNCH HOUR OR ON THE WAY TO OR FROM THE BANK

1. Peter Stringfellow, walking towards Covent Garden. "I'm guessing you're wearing tight leopard-print pants. You are, aren't you?"

2. Frank Skinner, walking towards Covent Garden. "As you delight in telling your audience about your love for it, do you also talk to your priest about anal sex with the ladies? If so, does he approve of it as a contraceptive method?"

3. Martin Fry, walking towards Covent Garden. "Do you think you are able to influence events psychically? If not, why when I bought Poison Arrow, on the very same day did my dad leave home to live with a tart?"

4. Dennis Skinner, crossing the road at Trafalgar Square. "You're the Beast of Bolsover. Why don't you rip Margaret Thatcher's neck open and do us all a favour?"

5. Lenny Henry, filming a scene under Charing Cross Station. "How can you laugh when people are starving?"

6. Geoffrey Palmer, shopping in Tesco's. "Bit of a cock-up on the catering front?"

7. Robbie Williams, crossing the road at Trafalgar Square. "Will you have your song Angels played at your funeral?"

8. Anthony Howard, walking towards The Strand. "Why should I take you more seriously than Kermit?"







9. Matthew Kelly, in a health food shop in Theobalds Road. "If you're Game For A Laugh, why not try the aduki bean pie?"

10. Boris Johnson, cycling towards Whitehall, twice! "Why don't you wear a helmet, twat head?"

11. Jack Straw, walking extremely quickly towards Whitehall. "Why did you allow Pinochet to return to Chile?"

12. Kevin Kennedy, walking past my office. "How's the music career going, Kev?"


PEOPLE IN THE PUBLIC EYE I'VE SEEN ON MY DAYS OFF WORK

1. Trevor MacDonald, in the National Gallery. "What's it like to share a few bongs with the nation every night?"

2. David Hepworth & Mark Ellen, standing around, arms crossed, wearing suits with orange shirts, in Soho. "If there's a good face for radio, is there a good voice for print?"

3. Roy Wood, eating a curry in the West Midlands. "Do you really wish it could be Christmas every day? You'd prefer roast turkey to a nice chicken dansak?"

4. Pete Townshend, walking the streets in Cambridge. "Still not dead, Pete?"

5. Christopher Quinten, wearing a silver bomber jacket at the Wimbledon tennis championships. "I'm guessing you're wearing tight leopard-print pants. You are, aren't you?"

6. John Peel, at a Fall gig in Cambridge. "Why am I not surprised you're here?"

7. Lemmy, playing Space Invaders of a venue's upstairs bar whilst NWOBHM band More rock the place's foundations. "Why don't you shoot them with the pus from your boils?"

8. Paul Shane, eating a "chicken tikka masala" in Llandudno. "Go on, Paul. Do You've Lost That Loving Feeling. Please? Pretty, pretty please?



9. George Melly, waiting for a train at Diss railway station. "Can I try your hat on?"

10. Vini Reilly, taking twenty minutes to order a large, crusty baguette and a mountain of cress in a cafe in Manchester. "Do you want a hand with that?"

11. Jim Davidson, telling jokes to his mates, outside a pub in Bexley. "Do you know why the BBC have over the years spent part of our licence fee keeping a known racist and homophobe in the lap of luxury?"

12. Ken Livingstone, not seen but heard in a Tottenham Court Road cinema. "What names did you give your newts?"

13. Dermot O'Leary, walking in Soho. "I've got no personality. Can you tell me how I can become famous?"

14. Bob Geldof, fingering and eating fruit from an outdoor greengrocer's stall in Faversham, accompanied by his lovely young family. "How's the music career going, Bob?"

15. Paul Gambaccini, in the cafe of the NFT. "Was Limahl ever too shy?"


You will notice that every single one of them is male. I did once see an actress who had a minor role in Coronation Street in a queue for jacket potatoes but I can't remember her name.

Why do I not see famous women? Are they better at disguising themselves in public?