Monday, October 13, 2008

Questions For Our (TV) Times

1. Why is Stephen Fry on absolutely everything? Even Never Mind The Buzzcocks. He is not a fan of pop music. You might as well have Vicus on there.

2. Why on earth was Will Young on Question Time? Did anybody see it? Does anybody watch Question Time any more? I haven't seen it for years.

3. How is competition better for the armchair football fan? Setanta costs £12.99 a month in addition to the cost of Sky Sports. All for a handful of West Ham matches a season and a few shite England away fixtures.

4. Why are they killing off Liam in Corrie? Betty's in love with him and I love doing really crap impressions of him to wind her up.

5. Why aren't they killing off Molly's Auntie Pam in Corrie instead? She is the most gut-wrenchingly annoying character ever to appear in the soap.

6. What's the big fuss about Seasick Steve? And why did Jools book the support band on Steve's tour? And what's happened to the *ethnic* bands he used to have on Later? And will Jools dig up his Big Band to support that silly old sweat bucket Tom Jones this week?

7. Why is Tom Wilkinson big in America? He is currently in the excellent John Adams on More 4. Did the Americans see him in The Full Monty and think he looked American?

8. What's happened to Craig Cash? Formerly writing contributor to Mrs Merton, The Fast Show, The Royle Family and Early Doors. Some truly great writing there until the unbelievably mawkish Royle Family grand finale. And now Sunshine which is just unbearably wet. What happened, Craig?


  1. 1. Stephen Fry likes money.

    2. Fuck knows.

    3. The invisible hand wins again.

    4. Dunno.

    5. Dunno.

    6. It's the beard and the one-string guitar. Personally I prefer the Handsome Family. or John Spencer.

    7. I don't know who he is.

    8. I blame... no I don't know.

  2. Thanks for being yet another blogger to give away the Liam storyline when I'm 9 months behind your episodes here in the Colonies.

    Tell us more about your Liam impersonation. Exactly what is it you do?

    Betty is welcome to Liam. I shagged Jim McDonald in my dreams last week.

  3. I can't watch Question Time these days, but think of Python's "Is this the right room for an argument?"

  4. 1) Because he's very good. Just because he sometimes makes a poor decision is no reason to lambaste the poor dear. And who is this Vicus twat?
    2) Whohe?
    3) Don't want Setanta, ain't worth it unless you really are a soccer fan. It keeps them off of the streets.
    4) Because that's the programme he is in. It would be silly to kill him in "The Bill".
    5) Whoshe?
    6) Is there a fuss? No one tells me these things.
    7) Because we have had enough of him over here. He was in bloody everything, and wasn't as good as Stephen Fry.
    8) Dunno.

  5. These are all very good questions that I cannot possibly answer because as a Colonist it is my God-given Right to have Cable access TV and therefore never need to watch anything but the crap that I so help me God!

  6. You accountants are always saying "Cash is King".

  7. It's not just Craig Cash, the BBC seems to have lost the ability to tell funny from shite altogether.

  8. Oh Geoff - I can only empathise with your questions - not provide answers.

    I almost cried with anger and disappointment at the end of Sunshine.

    Tom Wilkinson was brilliant as Resnick the Polish detective.
    But I think I was the only one who watched it.

  9. Billy - Stephen Fry LOVES money. So does his agent. I prefer the Handsome Family and John Spencer too, but not enough to buy their albums. Does the legend go that Seasick found his first guitar in a skip and it only had three strings and some fox sick on it?

    MJ - I couldn't put my impression into words. I've a feeling that Betty may be doing that soon, anyway. Were you dressed as Liz when shagging Jim?

    Malc - Looking at last week's lineup of John Denham, Ken Clarke, Chris Huhne, the Bishop of Rochester and Ruth Lea, I only recognise one of those. I'll have to start taking an interest in public life.

    Vicus - I do like Fry, just don't think he's ever been funny. As for Setanta, how many people watch any old shit? I only watch the shit my own team serves up and £150 for four or five matches doesn't add up to me.

    Donn - Hasn't MJ enticed you into the world of Corrie yet? I hear Canadian fans have parties where they dress up as Bet Lynch (and that's just the men). We can't get cable in our home but still Virgin keep trying to get us to sign up.

    Murph - I would have said that a couple of years ago. Now every time I think of Cash I feel a depression coming on.

    Realdoc - I've enjoyed bits of Harry & Paul and Gavin & Stacey and most of Pulling but that's about it in the past year. Our house is not a jolly one.

    Kaz - How did you get to the end? We lasted twenty minutes before we had to clear our own vomit up. I never saw Resnick but I do remember it being on. They should bloody well repeat it.

  10. 7. Tom Wilkinson was picked to play Jefferson because he is the only actor in the world who can do a convincing Devonshire accent; even though Jefferson was a Virginian from Wales.
    8. It's the Norman Wisdom syndrome but without the singing. Henry Normal has it too.

  11. There was no nod to Beverley Callard's tits in my dream.

  12. 1-5 No idea

    6.He has lovely crinkly eyes and a look of permenant amusement.

    7. I always think he was the Prime Minister in 'A Very British Coup'. I loved that. But he wasn't. Maybe that happens a lot?

    8.No idea

  13. Wilkinson eh?
    Wazn'e the bloke what went awff iz rocka in Michael Clayton?

    I like him.
    Much better than say watching Lord bloody Olivier 'phone-it-in' in all those movies he made in the 80s mitt der bahd German akzentz!

  14. Arabella - What was his New England accent like in In The Bedroom? And do the British actors in The Wire have good accents? Or are they all Dick Van Dykes in reverse? I see Henry Normal's a poet and producer now. How now, Baby Cow?

    MJ - You're not taking the right drugs. Bev's breasts suffocate me every night.

    Beth - Steve's like a lovable Father Christmas. Tom's got one of those faces.

  15. Donn - Did he go off his rocker as much as Peter Finch in Network? You can't beat a bit of craziness on the big screen.

  16. I like Tom Wilkinson. And Stephen Fry.

    And I liked the last Royle Family as well. So nerr.

    But I haven't really watched Corrie since Eddie Yates left.

  17. I have no sympathy for nans dying as mine didn't love me.

    Eddie Yates doing the decorating dance with Ricky Tommo will haunt me forever.

  18. I like Tom Wilkinson, me. In The Bedroom and Michael Clayton are both great, partly because he's in them. But not as good as Craig Cash is in those daytime insurance adverts. Let's hope, for his sake, they continue.


  19. Wilkinson was good in In The Bedroom. I haven't seen Michael Clayton.

    Is Cash still with Norwich Union or has he moved closer home?

  20. I haven't watched Corrie properly since Jean Alexander left and I cried.

    Don't forget Phil Daniels eliminating any tiny speck of street cred he had left by going on Strictly Come Dancing! I was mortified.

    Tom Wilkinson is a brilliant actor (and a very nice man - I worked with him a long time ago).

    Re: Seasick Steve (Wold) - I am really glad there is such a fuss about him as I think he deserves it and is totally bemused by it himself which is actually quite charming. Again - a lovely man.

    I found Sunshine a little predictable and it is hard to suspend belief with Coogan - to me it's like Coogan playing another character that isn't rounded enough. Maybe he will get better in the second half. I hope so. I think Bernard Hill is the best thing in it. I do like Cash's characterisation and the little subtle squeeking voice-breaks at the end of his sentences though. My friend Chris from Sheffield talks like that and it makes me laugh.

  21. Phil Daniels should have given up acting when he got into his twenties. EastEnders is just as embarrassing as Strictly Come Dancing. Then there's Goldie with his EastEnders and his conducting.

    There should be more old blokes like Steve getting hit albums. I'm going to build myself an electronic studio when I retire.