Monday, October 27, 2008

Your Health, Ma'am

My mum's decorating. The room doesn't need decorating but it's being done nonetheless. On Saturday she gave me a mug she found at the back of the heavy cabinet they had to move. She'd bought one mug each for me and my sister back in 1977.

"To Commemorate the Silver Jubilee of H.M. QUEEN ELIZABETH II 1952 - 1977" it says on the side. And on the back there's a picture of the handsome Duke.

"Where's the safety pin?" I said.

We're not supposed to drink out of it. We're supposed to keep it safe. I said to Betty that maybe my mum thinks this could be the ultimate incentive for us to start a family. Because things like this should be passed down from generation to generation. It is an heirloom.

No mum, it's not going to work. In our dotage we will drive down to some godforsaken market town. It will be pissing with rain and we will jostle our way to the front of the queue to be seen by the current mug expert on the Old Tat Roadshow. He'll say "this is strictly off-camera" but he'll give us "fuck all for the useless piece of shit". Then we can go home and start drinking from it, toasting the Queen and her amazing longevity.


  1. Can this be mere coincidence? Johnny Rotten in one post, followed by none other than the Queen in the next? Who can guess the third in this chain of cryptic links?

  2. I reckon some tea staining adds value.

  3. But what happened to your sister's mug? Have you acquired nephews and nieces through the Magical Monarchical Mug's agency?

  4. I won a Coronation mug in the egg and spoon race.
    If I can find it I shall add a safety pin and display it on my shelf.

  5. Kaz, that's so sweet but I don't believe you. Not that you are not a fine and natural athlete but because are are simply forever young.

  6. Chris - Street parties and punk. They both passed me by.

    Billy - Pennyroyal tea?

    Christopher - Not yet. But Liz & Phil might do the trick.

    Kaz - Egg & spoon? Coronation? It's like a different world. A much gentler, safer one.

    Arabella - That's why Kaz is the youngest pensioner.

  7. On the newsquiz they read out an advert for Charles & Diana Mugs. "Charles & Diana Mugs for sale as a pair. Will Separate".

  8. All my mum gave to me in '77 was a Stuff the Jubilee badge.

  9. I misread Kaz's comment as "Coronation Street mug" and nearly peed myself in excitement, hoping she'd mail it to me.

    Geoff, send the mug to Canada where it will be snapped up by a member of the Monarchists League.

  10. I spotted a Jubilee mug in an antiques shop. My nan had given me one just the same, but it had ended its life as a plant pot. Pity - that particular design was actually worth quite a bit.

  11. My parents have a Charles and Di biscuit tin lying around somewhere. I'm not entirely sure how or why as they are furiously anti-monarchist. It had nuts in.

    Oh, insert your own joke in here, it'll probably be funnier...

  12. Murph - Both cracked.

    Tim - It's probably worth more than my mug. My dad would have preferred a Stuff The Jubilee Badge.

    MJ - A Fred Elliott toby jug? Does the Monarchists League have promotion and relegation?

    Llewtrah - My nan was a stern royalist. She couldn't get the hang of the young royals' affairs though. She called Fergie "Fuji".

    Boz - My friend had a Charles and Di mug. He hated the royals, too. You could keep those Duchy Originals biscuits in that tin.

  13. What a shame you don't have her mug on a mug from 92.
    That is the year she referred to as her Anus Horribulus...
    which loosely translated would mean pain in the ass.

  14. God MJ, don't mention the Canada Monarchist League. My debating coach was the founding president, before he was forced to step down after some pretty colourful accusations of extra-curricular activities.

  15. Mr C - She really had it bad, didn't she? Maybe the picture would be of her not smiling. That would make a change.

    Tim - Long to rain over us with golden showers?

  16. Oopsey!
    HRH e-mailed me and apparently that should be Annum Horribilis, not Anus.
    my bad

  17. You can't get her off the computer since her Google day last week.