Sunday, March 05, 2006

Car Trouble

We leave the house to go to the shops. Mr Noisy Next Door is walking towards his front door. A dirty crappy old mini cooper has appeared overnight and is parked next to our car.

"I see you've got one of the old minis," I say, trying to be friendly.

"Don't worry," he says. "I'll cover it up soon. She'll only moan".

He points up at Mrs Next Door's window.

"I like the old minis," I lie, thinking of The Fucking Italian Job and You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off.

"I'm going to get a turbo lump for it. You can have a go in it when I've done it up".

I don't know what a turbo lump is but it sounds like he's going to make it into a fast little motor.

"No, it's alright. I only like to look at old cars," I say, worried that if I were to drive it I'd write off both the car and myself. "So you're going to do it up?"

"Yeah. Should make three or four thousand. Once I get it smartened up and get the turbo lump fitted."

He's towering over me, looking down at me with a fast car lover's enthusiasm. As if I'm really itching to get behind the wheel of his little death trap.

"I can see you really fancy a drive. You'll have to wait a bit longer, though. Once I get it spruced up and get the turbo lump fitted. You know with the mini, it's a fun car. You may only be doing 70 but it feels like you're doing over 100 because you're so close to the ground. You'll love it. Don't worry, once I get going on it, it won't take too long. You'll get your chance."

"No, it's alright. I only like to look at old cars."

3 comments:

  1. You have to go. I will no rest until I know what a turbo lump is.
    Bloody crappy Italian crap job film

    ReplyDelete
  2. Also I seemed to have turned Scottish. I've no idea how that happened.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Google aren't very helpful again.

    Type in 'turbo lump' and you get naked pictures of Jeremy Clarkson.

    ReplyDelete