Friday, June 23, 2006

Fishy Fingers

Q: What smells of rotten cheese, shit, puke, and gets in your hair, on your glasses, on your lips, on your teeshirt and up your arms?

A: A tin of Sainsbury's exploding tuna.

I explain to Customer Services. She has a stony face.

"Do you want your money back, then?"

"Erm, yes please."

"Oh. It's saying item not found. Barbara, do we know anything about these packs of tuna?"

"They've been recalled. It's about the third page in."

"Oh, yeah. Poor quality."

Poor quality? I still stink of shit and vomit even after my bath and they say it's poor quality?

"Give him his 99p."

She gives me a pound coin. She doesn't ask for the fucking change.


  1. Yay! Geoff's back! Stinking of tuna, but he's back.

  2. How can tuna smell of cheese and puke?

    Explain, please.

    Oh, and Good. You deserved it. I'm pre-menstrual and delighting in the pain of others.

    *stomps off*

    *stomps back*

    Hello, btw. Hope it's okay to visit and then leave moody comments. I'm not much different the rest of the month, to be honest.

  3. Is that a picture of you, Geoff?

    (The guy with the beard.)

    Very Hemingwayesque.

  4. MJ - I can still smell it up my nostrils.

    FT - I think Sainsbury's are covering up an animal rights attack. They've eaten some rotten cheese and sicked up into the tins. Moody comments are always welcome.

    Wyndham - It's not me. I'm more Wayne than Ernest in the testosterone stakes. Maybe the tins were full of testosterone steaks.

  5. I still have three tins of tuna purchased from Sainsbury's in Crayford nearly 4 years ago. Do you think I should get them defused?

    Welcome back. Where in the New Forest did you stay?

  6. I think they'll be beyond their explode-by-date, Richard.

    We stayed in a Travel Inn just off Junction 2 of the M27. Quiet and clean and clinical and no need to make conversation with anybody.

  7. Nothing could put me off tuna. That said when I opened the can earlier I was bracing myself...

  8. Gives new meaning to the phrase Tuna 'Melt' (down)

  9. My word verication then was 'yojude' is this a Beatles remix I haven't heard of?

  10. I'll have that there big fish fried and battered, please.

  11. Billy - I opened another can (not Sainsbury's) yesterday. If I hadn't done it then I never would have.

    Molly - Yo Jude sounds like something Prince Harry would have sung at a University Revue.

    Arabella - I don't think you'll get the chance. He looks so happy with his catch I think he's going to frame it.

  12. You think the cheesey tuna's bad Geoff, you wanna try Sainsbuggary's semolina pilchards. I had some once, climbing up the Eiffel Tower with some elementary penguin friends of mine. They were singing Hare Krishna, as it goes. Jude was there too. "Yo Jude", we rapped, high fiving said Jude affectionately - "Don't make it bad," we told him. "Take a m*****f*ckin' sad song and make it m*****f*ckin' better, homey..."

    And with that we went back to kicking Edgar Allen Poe....


    pgouxe? Is that some new blend of tea?

  13. They break those pilchards' necks to get them in the tins.