Friday, July 28, 2006

Gut Reaction

I like my gastroenterologist. He must be in his mid 60s now, a very tall man, impeccably dressed in pinstripe suit and very shiny shoes. Extremely friendly. I hadn't seen him for a couple of years until yesterday and he hasn't changed. Lovely man.

Though I did once see him outside the consulting room environment. In 1998 when I had the endoscopy. He was dressed in a bloodstained butcher's apron and had an evil grin on his face as he forced the 3 inch diameter ribbed rubber hose down my throat with demonic glee.

Admittedly I was under giggly anaesthetic at the time.

He's now trying a new drug on me. Not that he wants to, but the antipsychotic which has calmed my digestive system for the past 6 years is no longer in production. The company that manufactured it don't think it's making enough money for them. So they're producing a completely different, more profitable drug at the factory instead.

So for the next few weeks, please be gentle with me. I'm to do cold turkey for three days next week, followed by the introduction of new foreign matter into my system.

The new stuff's a more recently developed drug and hopefully won't make me so drowsy.

The only question is, as it's not a drug designed to deal with digestive disorders, will it do the job we want it to?

So I'd be most grateful if you all would stand up and give a big cheer for Duloxetine 30 mg. Maybe with the encouragement of good people like yourselves, the little guy will perform.

Altogether now...

"We love Duloxetine, we do! We love Duloxetine, we do! We love Duloxetine, we do! Oh, Duloxetine, we love you!"

And no fucking Mexican waves.

11 comments:

  1. Duloxetine - brilliant. Oh and is your gastroenerologist married or spoken for? Just thought I'd ask.
    I'll send some 'Kalms' if you need a top up.
    Good luck.

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  2. Cheers, Kaz.

    Are you saying Duloxetine is good from experience or are you being the cheerleader?

    I'm not sure if he is spoken for but the chest specialist I saw about my (acid-induced) cough a couple of years ago had a ring on his finger on which were the words "World's Best Dad." He was a very nice man as well, though a lot shorter.

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  3. Looks like the fun is just about to begin. I looked up the side effects...

    Nausea, dry mouth, constipation, loss of appetite, fatigue, drowsiness, dizziness, increased sweating, blurred vision, rash, or itching.

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  4. You're not supposed to read about the side effects, MJ.

    Rats have been known to commit suicide on them, too.

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  5. But if I had to choose I'd go for the increased sweating.

    I look like one of the Thunderbirds dolls in a sauna as it is now.

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  6. A mate took it and was a happy girl.
    I'm short(very)... but perfectly formed.

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  7. Thanks, Kaz. I'm almost looking forward to it now.

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  8. I hope that you are ok Geoff. I hope you don't have anything wrong. I would be sad about that.
    The anti-psychs do make you feel drowsy. Horrible in fact.

    But I'm sure you'll be ok on the new ones. We'll look after you..don't you worry.

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  9. Good luck Geoff. How does a non-psychotic react to being brought off anti-psychotic drugs? Your song reminded me of the one in Shreck when they arrive at the castle and donkey sets the organ off. I'll stay sat for the duration.

    I've had a couple of endoscopies. The first time they did it without a happy jab and I wretched so much I blew every blood vessel on the left side of my face. I didn't recognise myself in the mirror afterwards and S said people in the waiting room were extremely concerned for my wellbeing due to the noise I was creating.

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  10. Holy Excorcist Batman!

    If anyone stuck a 3" ribbed rubber hose down my throat ..belaaaaaagh!!!!

    My head would be spinning around in circles like a lawn sprinkler spraying everything within a 10 foot radius.
    I hope that the Dulox works.

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  11. Thank you all.

    I've just abused my insides with wrong food and alcohol over the weekend and now I'm ready for the cold turkey. Bernard Matthews is holding me down at this very moment.

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