Thursday, July 03, 2008

Top Tips

Some useful information I learnt from watching Tuesday's episode of Criminal Justice. If you're ever banged up in prison, tell them you're a Mormon. That's the wonderful Pete Postlethwaite's line, anyway. If you say you're a Mormon you won't get the revolting prison tea, but a delicious mug of hot chocolate. But isn't there caffeine in chocolate, too? Ours is not to wonder why.

This reminds me of some more advice I was once given. If ever you're in hospital, say you only eat kosher food. It's brought in from outside and is hot and delicious. The only thing is, if you're unlikely to make it out of hospital you get a visit from the rabbi. Who'll probably ask you if you're eating well.

By the way, star spotters, guess which one of the following I just made eye contact with in the street...

1. Mitch Winehouse, leaning out of his cab, buying a copy of The Evening Standard.

2. Leonard Cohen, combing his hair, looking at his reflection in the window of Currys.

3. ABC's Martin Fry walking towards Covent Garden, in conversation with an attractive young lady.


  1. Oh - I'm very disappointed with Lenny combing his hair in public.

    I presume Martin Fry was a cool as ever.

    It was always best to claim you were a vegetarian on airlines. Not now of course - they don't even give you a paper bag to throw up in.

  2. I always go for the veggie option on planes - you get the food first, I can wolf it down and get onto sleeping.

  3. Kaz - Yes, it was Martin. He was much cooler than me and of course gave me "the look of love". I have seen Leonard Cohen walking up The Strand. At least I think it was Leonard Cohen. You couldn't mistake somebody for him, could you?

    Billy - But would you choose the veggie option in prison? It could make you a target unless you were a psychopath.

  4. What, and being a Mormon wouldn't, make you a target??

    (ps WV hkuaydx???? Is that kosher? or just to discourage comments?)

  5. And I thought it was the Father - or was that so obvious you were meant to?

  6. Beth - Yes, but the hot chocolate thing is widespread. Our prisons are full of "Mormons" singing "Cup hands, here comes Cadbury's". It's like a bloody holiday camp.

    Ziggi - We haven't seen Thursday's yet. Hasn't some bloke who works in a record shop got something to do with it? Though I don't want to know till it's over.