Wednesday, September 17, 2008

The Horror! Oh, The Horror!

I'm not really much of a fan of modern horror films but Eden Lake seemed like it might be a laugh. And it was.

A middle class twat and his trusting teacher girlfriend go off in his gas guzzling Land Rover to experience nature in the middle of a forest in the English Midlands. Sat nav gets them there, his wanky macho scuba equipment and all.

Little do they know that the local village is home to nasty wonderfully stereotypical nightmare working class scum whose children are rampaging feral youths led by an absolute psychopath.

This is modern Britain, exactly why we're afraid to leave the sanctuary of our homes and cars.


Watching the first of BBC's new Tess of the D'Urbervilles production I swore blind that the villain Alec D'Urberville was too young and too clean shaven. He should be 42 years old, evil-looking, with a moustache, I thought.

I studied the book for A-level all those years ago. I remember reading it in a park in Shanklin, Isle of Wight, with my top off in the sun, hoping to draw admiring glances at my physique and intellect. None were forthcoming, of course.

A little internet research tells me that Alec was 24. Presumably not moustachioed, either.

I don't trust my memory.

Alec D'Urberville


  1. This nasty village in the English Midlands, the one with the rampaging feral kids. It's Birmingham, right? The forest is obviously Dudley Zoo, and the scuba gear is for the huge lake of tears those Brummie bastards have been crying into since British Leyland went to the wall.

  2. They should cull these feral little bastards. Just what I need, another Movie to bolster my misanthropic dread of the lower classes being allowed to vote and mingle with us.

  3. Interesting - that one about your memory.
    I read yesterday about recent research that proves all our memories are seriously faulty.

    So perhaps you really did get loads of admiring glances and offers of sex.

  4. If you put your hand across his moustache and chin, Alec mysteriously morphs into Ronald Regan. Just like Mrs Maggiethatch.

  5. Jimmy - Rural Britain is a jungle...Hold on, that should be urban Britain.

    Donnnnn - If you go into the eye of the tiger don't be surprised if he blinks.

    Kaz - Now you come to mention it I do remember a few zimmer frames and dark glasses.

    Murph - It's true. Ronnie wasn't stallin' when he tore down the wall of Berlin!

  6. I did Tess for A-level as well and always saw Alec as a panto/silent movie villain - a cliche even.

    Never Mind The Bollix is so wrong (trees? in Dudley?). Geoff is obviously talking about Cannock.

  7. "Cut to the Chase."