Friday, September 19, 2008

No More Cheese At Bedtime

The other night at an unspecified time, I was asleep and Betty was awake. She has since said I said something. The something I apparently said was...

"Cher........and Jane................shagging."

I said it in a hoarse whisper.

Why I said it, I've no idea. I know Cher of course, but I've never found her attractive. Especially not the raunchy version. And as for Jane...

We've recently been watching the Prime Suspect box set. Maybe it's Jane Tennison, otherwise known as everybody's favourite older woman, Helen Mirren.

Yes, I'm warming to this now. But Cher?

I once made up a piss poor joke -

Did you hear about the time Cher met her Stars In Their Eyes impersonator?

It was Cher and Cher-alike.

Boom boom.

But Cher in a lesbian tryst with the lovely Helen?

My dreams are deceiving me.


  1. I thought I was everybody's favourite older woman.

    A Cher and Helen lesbian tryst would total about 128 years. Let's hope it was backdated.

  2. I once had a dream I was engaged in a sexual liason with David Caruso and Hugh Jackman...Ginger and The Wolf.

  3. Not wishing to be conspicuously different, but I have it on good authority that Cher, Helen Mirren, Goldie Hawn, Penelope Cruz and Meg Ryan all dream about shagging me.

  4. I presumed you were dreaming about Jane Marple. I can understand your passion for Joan Hickson, if not share it.

  5. Doesn't every woman dream of shagging Vicus?

  6. Cher and Cher alike!

    Have you seen Helen play Caesonia in Caligula?

    You can have them as long as you don't try to steal Monica Bellucci from my dreams..there's plenty to go around if most of them are off shaggin' Vicus.

  7. Monica Bellucci3:45 PM

    I dream of shagging Vicus.

    Donnnnn who?

  8. Kaz - You are really my favourite. Backdated, eh? If I could turn back time.

    Inwardly Confused - Sounds better than David Gest and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall.

    Vicus - Meg drew upon her dreams of you for her most famous scene.

    Wyndham - A threesome with Marple, Poirot and Cher would be heaven.

    MJ - Vicus is up there with the Duke of Edinburgh.

    Donnnnn - I've never seen Caligula. You can keep Monica as long as I can have Marisa Tomei.

    Monica - Join the back of the queue.

  9. Anonymous9:07 PM

    I was worried you might mean Jane Horrocks.
    Dreams never deceive us.

  10. Cher?

    What, the Cher?

    Cher-ly not!

  11. Arabella - Horrocks would be a nightmare and I would wake up in a cold sweat.

    Chris - Cher as eggs is eggs.

  12. I made a Stars in their Eyes jokes went down not well, probably because of the lack of Ike Turner fans in the room.

    Apparently "ike for ike" isn't smart enough humour.

    P.S Joan Hickson is a goddess.

  13. Smart enough for me, Cal.

    I've never seen Miss Marple but I do like a bit of Agatha Christie to read.

  14. The trick is to always have an affair with someone who shares the same first name as your missus.