Friday, September 12, 2008

Poison Ivy

The answer to the previous post was Rhossili Bay on the Gower Peninsula in South Wales. But everywhere looks the same in my photos so it could have been anywhere on the British coast.


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It's my sister's 40th birthday in a couple of months. She's been to The Ivy before and she wants to go again.

We don't want to go. Betty says Rod Stewart takes his daughters' boyfriends there and grills them (ouch!). If they like football they're acceptable.

I don't want to be in the same room as Rod Stewart. I've eaten in the same rooms as Roy Wood and Paul Shane. That's enough of the bright lights for me. Besides, those were bog standard curry houses where I felt at home. I wouldn't feel at home in The Ivy, tarted up in expensive new clothes and spending loadsamoney on sausage and mash or whatever shit they serve up.

I don't know what's wrong with our local Chinese. That's where we usually go. 40 isn't such a special number. Life begins at 40? Bollocks, does it! Nothing changes whatsoever. There are no landmark ages. 18, 21, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 100, 110, 120, 130, 140? Who gives a bollock?

12 comments:

  1. Does Tommy Lee like football?

    Apparently Rod approved of Tommy Lee diddling his daughter Kimberley or whatever it was they got up to.

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  2. Maybe he didn't hear her properly and thought she said Franny Lee.

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  3. If Kimberley married Tommy Lee she wouldn't have to change her last name.

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  4. I always have a 40 when I go down the Chinese.

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  5. I wonder if Ivy Tilsley ever went to The Ivy. I have never been but I have heard it's quite mediocre. The Wolseley is better and cheaper.

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  6. Vicus - As long as he's not in charge of the wedding video.

    Murph - Is it seen as tacky to take your autograph book? "Ooh look, there's Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen eating a chip!"

    Billy - I can't - middle aged spread.

    Romo - Ivy would have worked her way through the wine list. The Wolseley still looks too posh for me. Where can I wear jeans and t-shirt?

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  7. You just want to be on top of Google for bollock as well as arseholes.

    Why not go in your jeans and get turned away at the door?

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  8. hey that reminds me wasn't Murph supposed to be treating everyone who signed is card to No 10 to a slap up chip butty at the Ivy? He could coincide it with your bash and we could all ignore each other as well as Rod.

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  9. Kaz - I'll never be top bollock. How can Betty get turned away, too?

    Ziggi - I'm still waiting for Murph's day out. I'd like to see Oz have a nibble on Rod's ankles.

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  10. You can wear jeans and a t-shirt at The Wolseley - I saw Patrick Swayze in there last year - he was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and two Russian hookers - one on each arm. True! I heard them talking in the loo's and then I saw them leave with him. I was a bit drunk and pointed and laughed at him a little too loudly as he walked past our table (egged on by Cafe Del Nightmare). He was wearing the most revolting casual stonewash batwing-sleeved distressed leather blouson jacket - that was why I was laughing really. He looked really coked up as well - lots of gurning, talking a bit too loudly and bad highlights going on.

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  11. Christ, I couldn't compete with that. Are you sure it wasn't Don Swayze? Did all the women who loved Dirty Dancing say "It's such a waste" as women are wont to do when they see a gay actor they fancy with a male companion? Or George Clooney with his pig?

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