Sunday, November 16, 2008

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

Misery lurks at every corner I turn. I piss on blind optimism. This recession's going to be shit.

This week I received a Les Paul compilation. His work with Mary Ford far outshines his earlier collaborations with the likes of Bing Crosby and Kay Starr. Les's multi-tracking techniques make for wonderfully spooky sounds. And when Mary sings the following Jimmie Davis lyric, the miserable me knows just what she means...

I wish I had never seen sunshine
I wish I had never been blue
I wish I had died as a baby
And then I'd have never known you

The first three lines, anyway. The whole chorus could apply to a few people I've met in my life but not anybody I've loved.

Existential poet and Portsmouth manager Tony Adams is another who thinks deeply, too deeply for his own mental welfare. Watching the Sky highlights of the West Ham v Portsmouth goalless draw this morning, the hapless, depressed players going through the motions in front of advertising hoardings that shout TACKLE BOWEL CANCER, I hear the commentator, John Anderson, say the following...

"Tony Adams admitted that he is a loner who doesn't really like people and would be happy to walk his dogs, never see anyone and then die. Which is a fairly gloomy prognosis in anyone's book, but that's what he said. Let's hope he doesn't mean it."

Maybe Tony would like to be eaten by his own dogs, on lonely windswept wasteland.

Life is all about survival of the fittest, after all.


  1. Are you sure it wasn't an entreaty to tackle Elija Bowelcancer, Portsmouth's new signing from Eritrea.

    Anyway, we would never knowingly devour long-pig. Unless it was dressed up in a half-time pie with lots of gravy.

  2. wife in the North.

    Anyway, cheer up Geoff. There's fans out there you didn't know you had.

  3. Coincidentally, I was just reading about how Steve Miller was taught guitar at age 5 by his godfather Les Paul and Mary Ford.

  4. The thing about the recession is, they keep PREDICTING the recession - making doomy forecasts - oh no, the recession, it's going to be awful, we're all going to be broke - surely what with everybody already being broke, and mass unemployment, and the economy grinding to a standstill - IT'S HERE ALREADY?

    Phew. We can all relax.

  5. Tony Adams is an ex alcoholic loner who doesn't really like people and prefers his dogs etc.
    Sounds about right for a football manager who must inspire and motivate his team or get the sack.

    Speaking of football 'Sometimes I wish I'd never been blue'.

  6. Murph - Tony Adams isn't long-pig. He's a donkey! Mine is the second best blog entitled Contains Mild Peril. Ritual Landscape used to be called it, too.

    MJ - Steve was playing with Les on the documentary we saw about Les a few weeks ago. I wonder if Les taught him the bit after "Some people call me Maurice!"?

    Annie - Yes it has been for some time. But it's going to get a lot worse so batten down the hatches and close your cover before striking.

    Kaz - I always hated Adams as a player but you've got to hand it to an ex-footballer who writes poetry instead of opening a pub. I can imagine Adams and Roy Keane walking their dogs together and not speaking except for the odd stern "Heel!". I think this season all clubs outside the top 4 are going to end up on 40 points.

  7. Ha!

    Let's just hope that Stevie didn't try to shake Mary's tree.

  8. I have always quite fancied Tony Adams in a kind of way. Oh dear - is that bad?

  9. MJ - She wore black panties with an angel face.

    Romo - There's something about a great lump of an ungainly man, isn't there? Was it the gusto with which he sang the National Anthem?

  10. "Life is all about survival of the fittest, after all..."

    That's a very reductive position, surely? (And don't call me surely..) If all that Darwinian nonsense were the case, how do you account for Alan Carr? Eh?

    Or Paul Williams, come to that.

    Jimmy Krankie?

    Billy Joel?

    Yossi Benayoun?

    Stephen Hawking ferchrissakes???

    See - it's never as simple as those science bods make out, is it?

    "Donkey won the derby, Donkey won the derby..." etc. etc


    p.s. wrod verticifification: sbould couldn't mek it up, could you????

  11. Micky: Dyu like degs?

    Tony will need his degs to locate females after the apocalyptic demise of civilization in the year 2525...and if womankind does not survive,
    then, he can let his degs eat 'im.

  12. Bob - You're right. It's all about the will to live. How Jimmy Krankie got up from that decapitation, I'll never know.

    Phoenis - I can see Tony in a radiation-proof suit now. Heading a ball.

  13. Ta for the cheer-up geoff, I think I'll go and boil my own head.

  14. You must see worse than Tony Adams in your surgery!

  15. Murph makes a good point. Throw coins at Bowelcancer.

  16. He'd eat them up and shit them out.