Friday, January 05, 2007

Comfortably Numb

My tranquilisers are continuing to make sure I have sleepy train journeys to and from work.

Yesterday evening, as I awoke, I caught myself smiling. I don't usually smile on public transport. I hope this is not the start of a worrying trend.

Then again, maybe this is not the first time, but just the first time I've caught myself doing it. Maybe I always smile in my sleep and people know to steer clear of me.

If I start laughing in my sleep I may soon have the carriage to myself.


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My current stats are reasonable, with about 20 odd regular readers. At least I hope you're all regular. You've got to be odd.

Search engine queries that come my way have recently become more predictable, however. I've had enough of Sandi Thorn's Flour in her hair and Bev Callard's ample bosom.

The following searches are like peaches in a bowl of rotting Golden Delicious...


What is the weight of the cocaine I buy in the little bag?
Sorry I can't help you, old son. Try taking some scales along next time you see your dealer.

Nick Park middle aged spread.
Yes, I can see it's possible. But why? Was he a sex symbol as a young man? Gone to seed?

Middle class wankers dinner parties.
Are you looking to attend one? Do you really think they'd advertise themselves as wankers? Look, there they are playing that game where someone sticks your character on your forehead and you have to guess who you are.


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My post on the Bexleyheath rockabilly Scientologists has been found by someone in Chile. The post had been translated into Spanish.

Apparently "Four Mark Kermode lookalikes" is "Cuatro lookalikes de kumode de la marca."

Oh yeah?

16 comments:

  1. Anonymous2:10 PM

    I've adopted "kumode de la marca!" as my oath of the week, Geoff.

    And for the record, I'm as regular as Ricky Gervais's appearances on Jonathan Ross.

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's the Rockabilly Scientologists' battle cry, Murph.

    I hope Mr P's back is strong, all that bending over he has to do.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Geoff!

    WAKE UP!

    Thanks for this - I can now add the word 'lookalikes' to my Spanish vocabulary list.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous5:57 PM

    Great News GeofF! I've just noticed Jools Holland's Hootenanny is REPEATED TONIGHT! I'm behind the sofa in readiness myself!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am a regular reader. I don't comment much because I can't be arsed. I felt sure you wouldn't mind. "Kumode de le Marca": if he knew, he'd adopt that as his regular name.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous7:00 PM

    I just want to know how you get Spanish punctuation marks. I want an upside down question mark.

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  7. Kaz - I hope it's useful for me next time I'm in Spain. "Esta Ben Elton lookalike." "Qué?"

    Murph - But it won't be the same as it was "live".

    Rob - Yes he would. Great ponce that he is.

    Realdoc - I only worked out how to "á" by áccident.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm odd AND regular. Do I get a prize?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Being regular is a prize in itself, Spin.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Are there bonus points for not just regular but frequent visits to your blog? Or most comments? Or fewest spelling errors?

    I am insulted that someone in Poland came looking for "drunken MJ" on my blog. I know I'm a lush but really.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am generally regular and rather odd on occasion.

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  12. MJ - It couldn't be Michael Jackson they were looking for as he is the picture of sobriety.

    RoMo - Me too.

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  13. I like that game where someone sticks your character on your forehead and you have to guess who you are.

    I know how to do Spanish punctuation marks. Obviously.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh bollocks I can't be bothered.

    There I was trying to be all clever adding the US international keyboard so I could do an upside down question mark and it didn't work.

    Bollocks to it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Someone came to my blog after searching for 'shit northern pub'. I'm quite tickled by that. I like to think they had a specific one in mind they wanted to be sure to avoid and couldn't remember what it was called.

    Oh, and I'm afraid a lady's regularity is her own private business.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Maybe they were doing a book on Shit Pubs Of Britain.

    Would be a bloody thick book.

    ReplyDelete