Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Cheer up, it might never...yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard that a million times

It's unseasonally warm and Londoners are wearing their warm weather clothes. As I get older I wonder more and more about t-shirts that say something. Not band t-shirts, but slogans.

For example there's this young man walking past Tesco's. He's very flirty, exuding sexuality and looking for eye contact. His t-shirt describes himself as "LOVERBOY". I invent a tragic life for him. Such upfront behaviour does not bode well for his future happiness. He is bound to be let down time and time again by lover after lover. The loverboy will not become a loverman but will be cynical in his middle age. He won't believe in love because love always disappoints him. But I don't feel sorry for him for I don't know him.

Don't feel sorry for loverboy
You know he wants the world to love him, then goes and spoils it all
Don't feel sorry for loverboy
He wants the world to love him, then goes and spoils it all for love

Then there's this young, colourfully dressed, bright eyed woman who implores us all to "BLOW BUBBLES, NOT BOMBS". A simple girl, her heart's in the right place. Why shouldn't we all blow bubbles, not only all of us peace lovers but those murdering governments and sectarian organisations, too. Hey! Instead of bombing your so-called enemies, pop a few bubbles on their noses! They'll laugh with you instead of hating you and the world will be one big, loving, happy family!

No. This girl will be let down again and again by murdering governments and sectarian organisations. She will die a cynic, like me and everyone I know.

I'm forever blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air
They fly so high
Nearly reach the sky
Then like my dreams they fade and die


You may say, I'm a dreamer. Last night's dream consisted of...

A cure for cracked fingers: immerse your hand into a solution containing 5,000 mg of effervescent vitamin C. Your wounds will heal within ten minutes.


  1. Wouldn't it be great if Lover boy and Bubble girl could meet, make mad passionate torrid love and live happily ever after.

    But as you say - it won't happen.

  2. Gosh. If I ever dream it's about work. How boring, as if I don't spend enough time there already.

    I have no slogan t-shirts btw. (I do have two very tragic indie ones but I only wear them at festivals.)

  3. Kaz - until Bubble girl realises, years too late, that Lover Boy isn't really into girls...

  4. The t-shirt I am wearing at the moment is emblazoned with the legend "Chicago Bears". What does that say about me, Geoff? (You're lucky though: yesterday's t-shirt was plain black with several patches of dust and something that looked like dried baked bean.)

  5. A lot of cracked finger injuries are caused by people asking others to pull their finger and then breaking wind. Or in some cases their finger. Well done, Geoff.

  6. What a poignant little song 'I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles' is ... particularly the way The Cockney Rejects did it.

  7. Kaz - Spin was right, I can't see Loverboy ever getting it on with anybody of the opposite sex. Maybe they could blow bubbles together, though.

    Spin - What, no CHOOSE LIFE or GO GO? I can see you down the front at a George Michael spectacular.

    Chris - 'Chicago Bears' says you're a pretty regular kinda guy. But I never go by appearances.

    Murph - My fingers are quite often cracked but I never break wind.

    Anthony - If Stuart Pearce were West Ham manager that would be the version they'd play before kick off. Alan Curbishley prefers the King's Singers version.

  8. Geoff - How old do you think i am?

    I did have one of those James t-shirts with the big 'Ja' on the front when i was 15.

    I have a horrible feeling that I've confessed this fact already somewhere.

  9. My t-shirt just says "Blow."

  10. Spin - I'm sure I saw under 10s wearing those t-shirts at the time. Don't be ashamed of the James thing. Morrissey liked them in his 20s.

    MJ - Decorum, please!

  11. I saw a man wearing on emblazoned with "Fanny Magnet". He was thin and weedy and had bad skin and a pony tail. I still wonder at the reasoning behind this choice.

    Did he think, as he pulled this T-shirt over his head that morning that most girls would find his wit and charm devastating? What do you think Geoff?

  12. I think either he's wearing it ironically (he's spectacularly unsuccessful with the ladies), or he produces an extremely efficient synthetic pheromone in his home laboratory which he is keeping all to himself.

    I'd go with the irony.