Sunday, April 08, 2007

Essex, The 51st State of the USA

So we've been out for our breath-of-fresh-air, a walk in Belhus Woods Country Park, just north of the Dartford Crossing. It was the first time we've been there and I'm pleased to report nothing untoward happened to us.

There was a twice daily American Civil War re-enactment which we just missed. Skirmishes were scheduled for 11 am and 3 pm. We saw lots of men sitting by camp fires and resting in tents, mentally relaxing before the 3 o'clock skirmish. We saw a large bearded man whip his wife's arse in jest, just as his friend entered one of the event's many chemical toilets. A three man band played pipes and drums, some old Confederate tune or maybe Lynnrd Skynnrd's Sweet Home Alabama; I have no idea. The smell of burgers permeated the air, though the smell of bean farts were sadly missing.

We walked past one of the lakes and some young urchins were busy lifting the biggest freshwater fish I've seen in my life. They didn't tell us to fucking steer clear of their rods which I always expect to hear when in close proximity to hard-looking fishing boys.

Yesterday, we were given a lovely present by a lovely friend. A mini Simnel cake, complete with all eleven Jesus-friendly disciples. Look, here it is with Betty...

We'll eat it later as we're serenaded by the local family who are currently performing their annual Easter Garden Karaoke.

They really have got awful voices.


  1. I'm glad the cake is actually a mini version, or I would have become confused by the picture and offered you use of the giant chess set.

  2. Is that actually edible?

    (I am of course reffering to the cake, before you get the wrong end of the stick).

    What are those Jesus-friendly diciples on the cake? Is it fruit?

  3. I like Betty's dress.

  4. That's not a cake. That's a muffin!

  5. Lovely Betty cleavage!

  6. Just read your previous post relating to this cake - it's marzipan.

  7. Doris - It may be mini but it's plenty big enough for us. It's so rich!

    Billy - Betty knows exactly what to wear according to the occasion. I just wear the same thing all the time.

    Spin - It's not the size, it's the weight that counts. And that's a heavy cake.

    MJ - That's all you're getting. Any further pictures of us are going to be as demure as the Amish.

    Istvanski - Mmmm, marzipan. The cake in the previous post seems to have white marzipan but the disciples are more snazzy in yellow.

  8. It seems to me that if these saddos insist on re - enacting the civil war they shouldn't be using the chemical toilets.
    Or perhaps it's Health and Safety.

    Hope you enjoyed the cake.
    We had hot cross buns.

  9. At least they weren't listening to ipods and playing Game Boys.

    We've enjoyed half the cake so far, Kaz. It's best eaten in small portions though I do remember a time when I used to gorge it like there was no tomorrow. My will is still there but my digestion isn't.

  10. The purchaser of said cake3:55 PM

    Oh, that is so lovely. I hope you enjoyed it. I'll second Billy's comment - where did you get that dress? It's fab! I want it. You two are so cool.

    I think Marzipan is an acquired taste, it's one of the (very few) foods I don't scoff down with gusto. But it does look cute on that plate. Brilliant!

  11. Silly me4:08 PM

    PS - I should have got some of those lovely fake chicks to go on the top like on your one, you know the ones with one eye on their forehead and one on their tummy. And a beak on its side. And scrawny yellow fur. That would have been cool. The kind or 'road-kill' of Easter I'd say. Or the Edith Massey of chickdom.

  12. Double silly me4:11 PM

    Actually, just scroll down to your one and note that one has lost its beak and one has lost an eye. They are well hard, they are. Didn't I tell you? The Keith Richards of Easter gifts. If you look at their feet, that brown stuff is where they snorted their brothers and some chick ash splurged everywhere.

    Now I'm being silly. Better stop.


  13. Marzipan ... it's God's own sweetie.
    Heavy cakes too ... tasty.

  14. I just put Muffin Betty Cleavage into Google and arrived at this blog. What's going on here???

  15. The purchaser of said cake - I think the chicks are cheekily hiding their eye and beak beneath their wings. They put them back on when we're not looking.

    Anthony - I prefer a heavy cake. I can't be doing with all that light airy nonsense.

    Dave - Get thee back to Webcameron, you Leslie Grantham-lite Tory perve!

  16. Might I remind you that there was nothing 'civil' about the American Civil War...why the hell are they re-enacting that over there anyway?
    Is it just to remind everyone of how coarse and unrefined the bloody Colonist trash was and to bid a hearty good riddance to the lot of 'em?

    The burning of Atlanta must be quite tedious if you're trying to enjoy a picnic...
    oh but I do love it when Rhett cocks his eyebrow and says to Scarlett, "Frankly my Dear.."

  17. I'm afraid we missed all the cocking. Whether of eyebrows or rifles.

  18. Cocking.


  19. I'm not too keen on marzipan. If I make an anti-Simnel cake, with a single marziball (presumably representing Judas) will I go to hell?

    And will I have to eat marzipan there?

    And can I join the Appreciation Society for Betty's cleavage?

  20. MJ - You mean they didn't cock in the Civil War?

    Tim - There'll be no marzipan in hell, just palma violets. So I hope you like them. Betty's cleavage is perfectly respectable so any Appreciation Society would contain discerning members of the blogging community like yourself. There will not be any more photos and no member of the society must use their imagination or I'll come round and duff them up.