Friday, April 13, 2007

Modern (American) Films Are Rubbish

Kaufman & Carrey.

I've wasted 4 hours in the past couple of years watching films in which these two names figure.

Man In The Moon - Jim Carrey playing Andy Kaufman. What an annoying tit! I don't know if the real Andy Kaufman was that annoying but if he was halfway as annoying as he was portrayed by The New Jerry Lewis he must have been one annoying arsehole.

Now here's Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Carrey! That annoying tit again!

This one's written by Charlie Kaufman who wrote that crud about the inside of John Malkovich's head.

OK, Charlie. You've got me. You're obviously more intelligent than me. You can write a screenplay the title of which comes from an Alexander Pope quote. You quote Nietzsche, too. Which puts you in the pretty damn clever class.

But you're so silly, babyish and annoying. You're playing with us, aren't you? Like a baby plays. Goo goo.

The gist of the film is, Carrey is a loser in love who sees no future with women. He meets an American Kate Winslett with coloured hair for Christ's sake. She is a GOOFBALL. Which is handy as Jim's a bit of a GOOFBALL, too. That's two GOOFBALLS falling in love.

But she falls out of love with Jim. She goes to a clinic where they erase all the memories you want to erase from your brain. She gets Jim erased from hers.

The clinic is run by Dr Tom American Wilkinson. Do Americans find the Brits putting on their accents as annoying as we find Dick Van Dyke?

Jim finds out what Kate has done so in a fit of pique he decides to erase the memory of Kate from his, too. So Tom's assistants, a right pair of GOOFBALLS, do the business. But Jim's love for Kate is so strong that his genius brain rebels against the treatment. He doesn't want to let her go, the diddums.

Meanwhile, Kirsten Dunst, Tom's young receptionist who quotes Pope and Nietzsche, decides she's not in love with one of the GOOFBALL assistants but she's really in love with Tom who is old enough to be her father. Tom's wife lets Kirsten know she (Kirsten) had some time ago already had an affair with Tom and that she had asked him to erase him from her memory.

Fuck me, what a carry on!

So Kirsten blows the business to smithereens. Just as Jim and Kate are getting together for the second time, they are both sent old tapes where they were recorded talking about why they wanted rid of each other.

Of course, love prevails. Although they know they may be destined for a relationship in which they will both fall in then out of love, they still want to go ahead with this second time round. Which is a good move for Jim as there's no way a munterface like him would hook up with somebody like Kate even with her funny hair and GOOFBALL personality.

OK, the film was watchable but just so very silly and the characters were extremely tiresomely goofy.

What really got my goat was the music at the start and end.

They take a classic song like the Korgi's Everybody's Got To Learn Sometime which already has two classic soulful versions by the aforementioned Korgis and Baby D.

And they get that wacky GOOFBALL piece of piss, Beck to record it. He, of course, turns it into a dull turd.

A complete bloody travesty.

18 comments:

  1. I am always having to apologize, on behalf of my fellow Canadians, for giving the world people like Celine Dion and Jim Carrey.

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  2. Thanks for giving me Jerry Lewis flashbacks just in time for the weekend Geoff. You bastard.

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  3. MJ - I forgot Carrey was Canadian. Was it you who kicked him out of the country?

    Murph - The only cure for Jerry Lewis flashbacks is to go and see the Mr Bean film. Or get a Norman Wisdom box set. Jerry Lewis won't seem half as bad.

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  4. Geoff. I got a little bit further than the words "Jim Carrey", and felt the urge to read no more. You should have done this with the film. Carrey = dumbass. Talented in the same way that Norman Wisdom is talented. When Carrey reaches 90 then he may be venerated in the same way that Norm is now. A salute to longevity rather than talent. Fortunately, I will not be around when that happens.
    Here is a hint. If you see the words "starring Jim Carrey", then it is a safe bet that you could find something better to do.
    I am very sorry. Your article may contain the most scintillating prose since George Eliot turned her toes up, but too much Carrey for me.

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  5. 1:I avoid Jim Carrey

    2:'Being John Malkevitch' was the most pseudoish crappiest film ever in the history of the cinema.

    3: Tom Wilkinson has sold his soul to Hollywood. I think I'm the only person in the world who remembers his TV role as Resnik - the Polish detective. Great stuff.

    4: What do you think of Adam Sandler?

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  6. Vicus - But this wasn't meant to be a comedy. Even so, Carrey managed to pull some of his trademark silly faces. I hope to see him in Coronation Street in his 80s, as Wisdom was. For 5 minutes then dropped like a hot potato.

    Kaz :-

    1. So do I now. Though I have seen him in three films (the other one was The Mask where I spent all my time looking at Cameron Diaz, anyway).

    2. It was shit, wasn't it?

    3. I remember Resnik, the name. Don't remember ever seeing it. Tom was in In The Bedroom which was a good film and proved that not all modern American films are rubbish.

    4. I have never seen Adam Sandler. Is he good?

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  7. Hello Geoff.

    I'm visiting from Llewtrah's place.

    This was a great slating! I haven't seen the film, but I'm tempted to sit through it to see if it's as shite as you suggest.

    I thought "Gangs of New York" was the biggest, most steaming pile of freshly produced horse-dung I'd ever seen.

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  8. Was Resnick the one set in Nottingham? I remember it. There was another Jim Carrey film on the other day, the one where he's a cop who's been cuckolded by a black genius dwarf and ends up with two gigantically fat super-intelligent black kids who talk in sweary rap as "sons". Bridget Jones was in it as well. You couldn't make it up.

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  9. Adam Sandler?
    Perhaps it's as well you don't know him - it was just a glib remark.
    After years watching dark Fassbinders and Bergmans with subtitles at the Cornerhouse - I fancied something daft.
    He's got a sexy smile - but you'd definitely prefer Cameron.
    Diaz - that is.

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  10. Welcome, Winters. It's probably best to see it together with the John Malkovich one. The perfect double bill. I thought Gangs of New York was a bit silly but quite entertaining.

    Kaz - I went to the Cornerhouse once - I'd just escaped from a vegetarian cookery course at Altrincham. Can't remember what I saw there, but I saw a few dark Fassbinders in the 80s in London's now forgotten independent cinemas. We've got all the dark Bergmans on DVD. I don't think comedy works at the cinema - it's better on tv in series.

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  11. I can't stand Jim Carey films usually, but I really liked the scary juxtapostioning of the happy-together scenes against the hating-each-other scenes in this film, even if it was completely ridick.

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  12. I like Andy Kaufman, but I don't like Man in the Moon.

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  13. Annie - I prefer to see a linear story, I suppose. This just seemed a bit of a mess to me.

    Billy - I vaguely remember not minding him in Taxi all those years ago, so maybe it was just the Carrey portayal that was so annoying.

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  14. I have never seen Eternal Sunshine.....as I envisaged the combination of Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey to be too odious to bear. I'm not a big fan of old rubber face Carrey myself. Kaufmann probably is quite clever but he's probably really annoyingly trendy too which puts me off him. He's best friends with Spike Jonze and Michel Gondry - you can't get more trendy than that. I sort of quite liked Adaptation despite the fact I couldn't really work out what the blazes was going on - again - an extremely self-conscious piece of work.

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  15. I really like Eternal Sunshine. But then I'm rather fond of the daftness of Kauffman and Gondry. And one might argue that one would have to be something of a Goofball to undergo memory deletion. It's rather hard to imagine a balanced, normal individual doing such a thing.

    Adam Sandler also does the seriousness in Punchdrunk Love. And, for my sins, I rather enjoyed that too.

    Still, I'm sure we can all agree that nothing is ever going to top Weekend At Bernies, so we might as well all just go home.

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  16. Romo - Adaptation sounds like fun - even more Charlie Kaufman!

    Del - Yeah, Weekend at Bernies! I missed that one, I'm afraid. I didn't even see Porkys.

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  17. Carrey can be extremely irritating. He's okay in very small doses.

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  18. A homeopathic amount?

    Maybe he can play somebody's ashes.

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