Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I Want To Live Like Common People

Working, as I do, in an area saturated with young office workers, I often have advertisements for gym membership thrust into my uneager hand. They mistake me for someone who's got the time and the inclination to work out.

Yesterday I was handed the new advert for the latest class at Gym Box.

"CHAV FIGHTING..." it said on the front. "...Martial arts with Burberry belts and a fist full of sovereign rings".

I turned to the inside.

"The louder they grunt the harder they fall...Why hone your skills on punch bags and planks of wood when you can deck some Chavs? Welcome to the wonderful world of Chav Fighting. A world where Bacardi Breezers are your sword and ASBOs are your trophy."

I think I ought to go to this class. Just to see what sort of twats it attracts. I'll take along some of my Chav mates dressed as middle class wankers and we'll kick shit out of the twats in the changing rooms.*

*Not really. Do you honestly think I know any Chavs, dear reader?


  1. I see it's £59 a month. That'll help pay for the big Ad & PR Agency bills they've obviously been building up.

  2. The first rule of Chav Club is-
    you do not talk about Chav Club

  3. *watching the video*

    But you gotta go...there's a disco ball!

    Why are they wearing clown wigs?

    And what does a VPT (Very Personal Trainer)do that a Personal Trainer doesn't?

  4. Is Prince Harry a member?

  5. I think Donn got it bang on!

  6. Murph - A gym membership while you're young, or a modicum of comfort when you get old? I think I'll put my money into my pension.

    Donn - Ha! I'd like to see Brad in Burberry givin' it all that.

    MJ - It looks very young and funky. Why the bloody hell do they want me going there?

    Kaz - Anywhere you get to dress up and be obnoxious and Harry's there like a shot.

    Llewtrah - Donn did do' didn' 'e do'?

  7. Further proof that when people say "chav" they in fact mean "scum".


  8. Don't forget your Staff terrier, Geoff.

  9. Never mind Brad in Chav Club... I want to see Clint in "A Fist Full Of Sovereign Rings."

  10. Billy - It's nasty and it's not clever.

    Istvanski - My little bollock biter.

    Rol - A spaghetti hoops western?

  11. Cor, isn't that racist, or something to advertise such a class?

    I'd rather deck the scientists who keep promising they've come up with the latest miracle drug for cancer and then it all falls through about six months later. I mean what the F*CK are they doing with all those millions raised by every person and their dog who's ever lost someone to cancer?

  12. That's a class I might join.