Big Bruvver Is Watching.......

Sir 'Ming' Campbell - The compromise choice to take over from wild man Bad Charlie Kennedy as leader of the Christian Liberal Democrats. The 'Ming' was awarded to Menzies as he is seen as such a safe pair of hands that you would trust him to carry your most valuable crockery across a slippery, hard wooden floor. He is not so named because of his startling resemblance to Flash Gordon's nemesis.

Gorgeous George Galloway - Who is unable to attend surgery for his constituents at present as he is busy stopping the Iraq War by hypnotising the nation with his piggy eyes. Young people everywhere who previously couldn't give a stuff about what's happening in this shitty world of ours as long as they're all right Jack and Shayneeee Ward gets to Number One are signing up to the RESPECT Party in their droves as they've seen the light in George's crabby orbs.

The b/w photo on Abu Dhabi TV - I'm guessing it's a picture of a recently deceased member of the Saudi Royal Family as he was in his younger, lovely days. The picture is accompanied by a singer who sounds like he's been singing for 36 hours without a break. But don't dare go for the remote control, as you'll get your hand chopped off at the wrist.

Happy Days!