We Have Been Watching - 1

Tony Blair Rock Star

The story of the coolest boy at public school Fettes. Tony was so cool he wore his hair longer than the regulations allowed and once he snuck out to go to an Elton John concert. Cool or what?

The boy moves to the big city, ingratiates himself with some new ex public schoolboys, promotes some gigs attended by public schoolkids, then off to Oxford where he impersonates Mick Jagger in front of a band of ex public schoolboys.

The poor actor playing him must have needed post-production therapy to get rid of the rictus grin.

Celebrity Big Brother

Preston's going to win. Teenage girls love him for the way he treats 22 year old teenage girl, Chantelle. He's lovely.

And he's so handsome and talented, says recently evicted Rula Lenska. Talented? Has she heard the Ordinary Boys? Phillllllllllll Jupitus likes them for Christ's sake!

For the sake of my mind, I really hope Pete Burns' 'gorilla' coat is fake.

Who Do You Think You Are?

It's Sheila Hancock's turn to trace her family's roots. Who is the woman in the picture? She finds out it's her mother's father's father's father's mother's mother's mother. And she assumes she was a wonderful woman, a real character. She cries at her grave.

How do you know, Sheila? She might have been an evil cow. She was a woman who ran her own business in the early 19th century. She may have been ruthless and a poor employer.

After Jeremy Paxman's tears at his family's poverty stricken background last week, this one seemed a bit fake and actorly.

The Root of All Evil?

Dickie Dawkins quotes another Nobel Prize winning someone or other...

"If there was no religion in the world there'd be good people and there'd be evil people, the distinction would be clear. It takes religion to make a good person evil."

So how does that make religion the root of all evil, Richard?

Can we please have a different professional atheist to be our spokesman? Just someone who doesn't think too much but shouts their mouth off. Our Ian Paisley.

Coronation Street

Sunita, laden with the twins on the way to register their births, misses the bus.

This is the first time anybody has ever missed the bus in Coronation Street. Unless they're meeting someone there, they always arrive at the bus stop with seconds to spare.

Brokeback Mountain

No, we haven't seen it yet but we know somebody who has. Apparently the audience did not comprise of the usual elderly married couples on a Thursday afternoon. Very few married couples, in fact.

But a lot of lone middle aged and elderly men, all down the front.