Just a few tips for any new bloggers out there who may stumble across this site on their way to somewhere more entertaining. I'm sure my regular four readers will know the following anyway...
1. Don't expect non-bloggers to read your blog. 99.9% of the general public use the internet purely for sexual gratification.
2. Only peruse your stats to look for amusing search words/phrases and to see who is linked to you. Stats are for statisticians, not for those whose egos bruise easily.
3. Do not check other bloggers' stats, ever. They will inevitably be more popular than you.
4. Write anything that comes into your head. The process is cathartic and there's bound to be at least one person out there who thinks the same way as yourself. Surely at least one.
5. If the quality of the comments you receive is lower than the quality of your post, you have too high an opinion of yourself. Lower it.
6. If the quality of the comments you receive is higher than the quality of your post, you have too low an opinion of yourself. Raise it.
7. Do not worry about the quantity of the comments you receive. The quality is what counts (see 5 and 6). You may think you'd like 30 comments a day, but would you be able to cope?
8. Accept that there are more talented bloggers out there with bigger brains and more to say.
9. Rejoice in the fact that there are thousands of bloggers out there with smaller brains and nothing to say.
10. Never blog on a Sunday or at Christmas, unless melancholy suits you.
11. Only link to sites you like.
12. Only comment on sites you like.
13. When leaving comments on another blog, don't expect a reply. The other blogger may have either a too high or a too low opinion of themself (see 5 and 6). Or your comment may be impossible to answer.
14. Do not leave the first comment on your own post, unless you have a split personality.
Enjoy yourself! It's later than you think.
Happy Birthday, Mr. DeVice!
11 hours ago