Sunday, January 15, 2006

How to be a Happy Blogger

Just a few tips for any new bloggers out there who may stumble across this site on their way to somewhere more entertaining. I'm sure my regular four readers will know the following anyway...

1. Don't expect non-bloggers to read your blog. 99.9% of the general public use the internet purely for sexual gratification.

2. Only peruse your stats to look for amusing search words/phrases and to see who is linked to you. Stats are for statisticians, not for those whose egos bruise easily.

3. Do not check other bloggers' stats, ever. They will inevitably be more popular than you.

4. Write anything that comes into your head. The process is cathartic and there's bound to be at least one person out there who thinks the same way as yourself. Surely at least one.

5. If the quality of the comments you receive is lower than the quality of your post, you have too high an opinion of yourself. Lower it.

6. If the quality of the comments you receive is higher than the quality of your post, you have too low an opinion of yourself. Raise it.

7. Do not worry about the quantity of the comments you receive. The quality is what counts (see 5 and 6). You may think you'd like 30 comments a day, but would you be able to cope?

8. Accept that there are more talented bloggers out there with bigger brains and more to say.

9. Rejoice in the fact that there are thousands of bloggers out there with smaller brains and nothing to say.

10. Never blog on a Sunday or at Christmas, unless melancholy suits you.

11. Only link to sites you like.

12. Only comment on sites you like.

13. When leaving comments on another blog, don't expect a reply. The other blogger may have either a too high or a too low opinion of themself (see 5 and 6). Or your comment may be impossible to answer.

14. Do not leave the first comment on your own post, unless you have a split personality.

Enjoy yourself! It's later than you think.

16 comments:

  1. You got it just so right with this one. I feel every single line is true. Great ! (I'm now thinking of the quality of my comment ;-)

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  2. C'mon then. Tell us some of the amusing search words/phrases that lead to Geoff's blog. Although in keeping with #13, I'm not expecting a reply to this.

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  3. Right on all 14 counts.
    All 15.

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  4. Thank you, Vinod and Mig.

    MJ - The rude ones seem to have dried up. All I'm getting now are msn searches for Richard Fleeshman. I presume you're getting a lot of those, too.

    I seem to be high up on msn search for geoff shoes. Though why anybody would want my shoes I don't know.

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  5. Funny thing is that they're looking for your shoes over at Corrie Canuck too.

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  6. hmmm, good points. I'm leaving a comment strictly because you told me to comment on blogs I like. I've dropped by before but I don't think I said anything.

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  7. I fit into your #9 category. Perhaps that why I can't explain or keep up with the constant name changes of this blog. When I first started reading of Geoff, he was Geoff's Telly Blog (though no amount of peril was involved, mild or otherwise.) Then, Geoff's Ordinary Blog (though there's nothing ordinary about it.) Now we're back to Geoff's Telly Blog. Did I miss a posting or an explanation of the name change? What's next Geoff? (You keep us on our toes.)

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  8. That's it. The title AND the colour of your blog just changed on me. I swear I haven't been drinking. I'm checking myself into the Loonie Bin now.

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  9. Sorry, MJ. I promise this is the last change. I really want to start a new blog where I don't restrict myself to Telly but I don't want to piss people off again. But I'll probably end up pissing people off anyway.

    So this is it. And brown suits me more than that wishy washy grey.

    Betty says I should apologise a bit more...

    I'm sorry.

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  10. No need for apologies (apologies to Betty for saying that) as I was just having a spot of fun with you over the changes. Speaking of apologies, I apologized the other day to a woman and she barked back at me, "Why are you apologizing? Do you have a guilt complex?" In retrospect, I should have said, "I'm sorry you feel that way." Some days you just can't win.

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  11. V wise words. But can you follow them?

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  12. i never write sad things on a sunday. except every sunday of course, when i wallow in self-pity and inflict it on the rest of you.

    i love richard fleeshman. it worries me.

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  13. Frangelita - I can't follow them and I can prove it.

    Surly - Never love the actor. Love his parts.

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  14. Geoff: I think it IS his parts many gals are lovin'.

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  15. it's a worry though, what with him only being sixteen. i feel like a dodgy bus driver.

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  16. Solid advice!
    I've taken to only blogging during dead time at work. Otherwise it would become one of those stupid obsessive pursuits. As it is, it can be very time consuming. But usually fun.
    Sometimes I'm one of those bloggers that has a heinously low opinion of myself and doesn't come back for days on end because I'm afraid to look at my comments, even though it's rare for me to receive anything truly mean.
    Other times I'm just busy!
    Peace.

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