Saturday, October 28, 2006

Better Buzzcocks

"You're a bum, you're a punk..."

Bailey's team don't know the next line.

"You're an old slut on junk" is the next line.

"Who would write a line like that?" says Alesha**, now solo artist, formerly of pop group Mis-Teeq.

"The Pogues," says Jupitus with utter disdain.

Jupitus, looking like a fat Truman Capote with those wanky little glasses is one of the old guard who thinks that Joe Strummer and Ian Dury and Shane MacGowan are gods. He's got his own show on BBC radio because he's a shite comedian, and of course shite comedians like him and Lamarr know all about music, don't they?

Jupitus likes The Ordinary Boys.

But a young black woman not knowing the masterful words of the drunk master wordsmith Shane MacGowan? It's part of British culture, darling, don't you ever listen to words? You must have heard Fairytale Of New York thousands of times.

Yes, haven't we fucking all.

Still, at least that tosser Lamarr's gone, replaced by my favourite young television personality, Simon Amstell.

All we need now is Miquita Oliver and get rid of Jupitus and wacky-weirdy-beardy Bailey and we might have a decent show.

** by a strange coincidence, Alesha has a very similar laugh to that of Shane MacGowan. A sort of a "sheesh sheesh sheesh sheesh".


  1. Didn't see it and I'm only vaguely familiar with the new bloke. I like Bill Bailey though. The very funniest show I've ever seen was him at The Orchard. Thing is, if they dropped either BB or Jupitus they'd only try and get that twat Brand.

  2. I'm warming to Brand, what with his Hammers friendly column in The Guardian 'n' all.

    Well, I can just about stomach his writing anyway.

    Nothing against Bill Bailey, I just don't get him.

    I saw Steve Coogan at The Orchard. Paul Calf is still far and away the funniest thing he's done.

    Anybody who doesn't know The Orchard in Dartford, it's one of those theatres that usually gets bands like The Hollies, the bloke out of Dr Hook without the eye patch, Chas 'n' Dave, Joe Pasquale and touring productions of naff musicals. We once rebelliously saw a Steven Berkoff Saturday matinee there and it was fucking abysmal.

  3. Anonymous2:59 PM

    Hahahahaha - you`re spot on re Jupitas. What a fud.

    I cannot comprehend why they still persist with that fucking "Intros" round after all these years. It`s the worst bit of the show.

    I thought Amstell made a good fist of being the new host. Such a welcome change from that fucking Lamarr(sehole).

  4. I reckon they should get Patrick Swayze on there.

  5. Anonymous3:53 PM

    Totally and utterly wrong Geoff. Lamarr was very good, Jupitus and Bailey excellent captains and the three of them get the best out of the guests.
    I think you must be getting old.

  6. Bill Bailey's "Part Troll" gig where he went on about Argos and the "laminated book of dreams" was hilarious.

    Lamarr is an arse but does come up with some brilliant gags such as referring to someone who "had gone on to become a Big Country Member. (pause). Yes, we remember".

    Jupitus is very funny.

  7. I think my problem is I prefer pop music to comedy.

    I wish they'd bring back TOTP and Pop Quiz with Mike Read.

    Now he IS funny.

  8. I only watch Buzzcocks because it is one of the few (3) pop music shows on the BBC.

    TOTP2 - Not bad
    Buzzcocks - mildly diverting
    Later With Jools - Bag of shite

    The BBC couldn't give a shit about pop music.

  9. The Intros round IS bloody awful. Like a bunch of twatty students at a party with stickers on their heads having to guess who they are. And Jupitus still can't do it after all these years. It's so painful watching him.

    And what really gets my goat is the way Jupitus and Lamarr take their music so bloody seriously. Oh, I'm really into 1950s and 60s soul and garage music and this is really important music and the BBC go and give him a radio show even though nobody in the whole country is the slightest bit interested other than Lamarr himself. And Jupitus who really digs his Two Tone and his Pub Rock and the bleeding Clash and is stuck in the early eighties and the best current band he can come up with is that Big Brother arsehole and his shitty version of ska.

    It all makes me so depressed I'm going to top myself.


  10. Geoff....Geoff????


    Jools Holland, eh? What a guy!

  11. Geoff, "And what really gets my goat is the way Jupitus and Lamarr take their music so bloody seriously." They're leaving pop music for you to take seriously, Geoff.

    I find Lamarr intensely annoying. I don't not like him but he's like the boy in class who easily displays his accurate knowledge of everything and gets on your tit as a result. His rock and roll and reggae programmes on R2 are well put together and he displays an impressive knowledge: you just want him to mess up. I was at a get together with some other internet folk in a very noisy pub in the Chiswick area just over four years ago and he was in there holding court. His group of friends/acolytes whatever weren't even loud or obnoxious. It was so disappointing.

    Why do they call it TOTP2 now?

  12. I wish I didn't get so worked up about things that don't matter.

    Apologies to anybody who still might be reading.

  13. Buzzocks (as you can tell by the title) is a quiz for the Mojo demographic, born between 1950-1970. Knowledge of The Canon (Beatles, Stones, Motown, Stax, 2-Tone, Clash, Pistols, Marley, Springsteen, Dury, Pogues, Smiths, Joy Div, etc) is a prerequisite. Having the likes of Alesha on is always going to seem tokenistic.

  14. Amstell's a poor choice of presenter, then.

    Better off with Mark Radcliffe or Rowland Rivron.

  15. Having listened to Alesha's last 2 singles, I can safely assure that she deserves all the mockery that can be dished out in her direction. Buzzcocks is just the musical They Think It's All Over. Music is just the theme. I can't honestly remember the last time I atched it.

    You're dead right about the lack of decent music coverage on the telly though. The Culture Show does a bit now and again with the delightfully wonky vowelled Lauren Laverne out of Kenickie.

    And you really don't like the Clash do you? Heheh.

  16. TOTP2 had a great performance by Sparks last night. And a hilarious one by Haysi Fantayzee. You don't need comedians when you've got Haysi Fantayzee and the Clash.

    They spoiled it by playing some dire up and coming band that probably had Steve Wright's nephew in.

  17. Just escaped from Buzzcocks - Mr P had it taped (or whatever the DVD hard drive version of taping is),it was horrendous. I didn't like it with the Mark twat, but this young boy presenter is even worse and the whole show has descended into farce!

  18. Simon's a lovely boy but he doesn't belong with the big lads.

  19. I think I must be the only person that likes Mark Lamarr. I was really disappointed when I realised that the pre-pubescent permed muppet Simon Amstell was presenting it. Odd choice. I'd rather they brought back Cheggers.