Sunday, November 05, 2006

In New Music We Trust

Gratuitous shot of Girls Aloud. Which one's your favourite?

December's Uncut is out - time for me to catch up on the new music I missed out on during the year.

Number One in their top 50 albums is Bob Fucking Dylan. "Is he still going?" I hear you ask. Yes, and music journalists are still sucking his dick, as hard rocking Americans might say. Bob was bloody good 40 years ago but 40 years is a bloody long time and now he sounds like he's playing for the dead.

Uncut try to sell me new Americana shit all the time and I'm not having any of it. I'm not having any of the kooky Bjork-like Joanna Newsom, either. One kooky Bjork is more than enough for one lifetime.

Last year at this time I discovered the Vitalic album months after anybody in the know. This year it's the turn of Hot Chip ("wry tech-geeks" who admittedly I have heard quite a few times but it's taken them all this time to wear me down) and CSS (Brazilian "punk-funk" according to the hip old gits at Uncut).

As you should know by now I'm not a fan of blogging that slags off hard-worked shop assistants but I think it's time for me to get on the bandwagon.

Ten minutes I was waiting there as the gothette-lite was looking for the Hot Chip CD under 'C'.

"Hot Chip's under 'H'" said a more senior assistant. "Band names are filed under the first name, solo artists are under surnames."

First day nerves or maybe she'd only ever bought albums by bands with one name such as Incubus, Sucubus, and Cocubus?

She didn't have to look for the Girls Aloud Greatest Hits I bought as they were pre-packaged. OK, I know I'm setting you up for a punchline.


  1. Better to slag off hard worked shop assistants than beat up female toilet attendants, that what I say.

    I don't care how many number two's they've had.

  2. What would you file "Howlin' Wolf" under. Solo artist, but clearly not a real name.

  3. Anonymous6:06 PM

    They look as if they've been dipped in a vat of golden varnish. Do you think it chips if you hit them really hard? Just wondering.

  4. Murph - I don't think they all steamed in, I think it was just the delightful Miss Tweedy. And she's a respectable married woman now.

    Billy - That's a very good question and I aim to purchase his greatest hits next week to test the system...Well I would but we've already got it.

    Realdoc - I think they've been chipped and touched up many a time.

  5. You'll find Hot Chip in the "one good song" drawer.

  6. Next to Arctic Monkeys?

    No, Wyndham. You must give in to them. Release your inner wry tech-geek.

  7. When I worked in Smiths* years ago, they used to call the music desk 'Sounds' like it was some really cool place to be. They crammed all the CDs in so tight without wrappers on, I'm sure that every one I sold was broken. It was incredible how many Bill Tarmey CDs I sold. And Daniel O'Donnell.
    *Chills down spine*

    Bring on Girls Aloud I say. If you want a good song well can't beat 'em.

    Note that I have sobered up, time to start again!

    *I *was* Johnny Marr.

    Boom! Boom!

  8. I don't think Smiths have changed in 40 years. That's their problem.

    Although we did get a Marx Brothers box set from there a few weeks ago.

    I note your sobriety, Molly. We're just about to start ourselves.

  9. It's probably more Jamie Cullum and Michel Bouble than Bill Tarmey nowadays.

  10. While I was waiting yesterday in Music Zone a pensioner asked for Matt Monro's love songs.

    They could order it for him.

    He wasn't having that.

    At least Matt Monro would be under 'M'.

  11. Agreed. Hot Chip have at least 2 good songs. And very good at that. CSS are ace as well.

    How worryingly disturbing that we're already into the Charts Of The Year. Sigh. I'll have to make some tough decisions of the next month or so...

  12. Oh, and my favourite is Kimberley, the one who isn't any of the others (ie not the blonde one, the ginger one, the irish one or the violent one).

  13. Geoff, you mean you actually buy a music magazine? You're so contemporary.

  14. Geoff, get your lugs round Illinoise by Sufjan Stevens... it's original and lovely.
    You just have to learn how to pronounce his first name in a shop.

  15. It's pronounced SARFJARRRN in my house. It is a very good album though.

  16. Del - For my sins I like the violent one. She's done more than Arsenal could and kept Ashley Cole in his place.

    Richard - I suppose Uncut is contemporary for those of us belonging to the Mojo generation* (*copyright T Footman).

    Murph/Del - I know I ought to like Sufjan Stevens but I haven't been that taken by the tracks featured on the Uncut CDs as yet. That's not to say I won't like him at a future date as it took me until a few years after his death for me to get into Elliott Smith. I won't ask for it in Smiths though as the woman behind the counter will only say, "Brenda! Have we got the new Shaking Stevens album?"

  17. I think Uncut is "contemporary" for people who have worshipped at the shrine of Bob Dylan for the past forty five years and don't have any truck with music which is fun.

  18. I wonder if they keep James Bond under "M" ?

    (Just a thought)

  19. Anonymous2:32 PM

    James Bond under O surely

  20. Betty, the only Dylan I've got is by other artists. I've never been particularly bothered about popular icons and refuse all that "bowing and scraping at the altar of" bollocks.

    Geoff, was there a strut to your step this morning as you headed off to the city? And would Pardew have taken Wenger?

  21. It is a little known fact which I've just made up that John Barry only got the James Bond gig because they had the same initials. Let's thank our lucky stars that James Blunt wasn't around in the sixties.

    Richard, I'm afraid Wenger would be able to beat Pardew by fist, sword or pistol. The Englishman would still be in the right, though. How dare these continental types not shake hands!

  22. Tedward's Missing Ear9:26 PM

    Mr TME said yesterday that he liked the wee ginger one best because "she looks like she knows she's the ugliest and nobody fancies her."

    Perhaps I need to re-examine the foundations of our marriage.

  23. The unbelievably drunken blonde one is the best. Good hairstyle too!

  24. If Bob Dylan is playing for the dead, I guess he'll have to join my crew of dead musicians at the Netherworld Hotel.
    As for which of those girls is my favorite?
    Well, I don't actually go that way. But even if I did, they're all too skinny and too plastic-looking to ever appeal to the likes of me!

  25. Betty - As one of them said, if you want a night out, go out with the blonde one.

    Cheese - Dylan's not dead yet. Just looks it.

  26. Sorry TME.