Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Oodles of Googles

I think we're all due a little light relief. So how's about some highlights of recent searches for this blog?

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself-well...how did I get here?

1. Victorian armpit hair

As we know, the Victorians loved their armpit hair. In fact, Queen Victoria used to amuse herself by seeing just how long hers would grow. The only time she ever smiled was when she was once mistaken for a yeti on a state visit to Tibet.

2. Bear in the window of a house on the beach in Walmer Deal

There aren't any actual houses on the beach at either Walmer or Deal. I seem to remember there is, however, a little fisherman's shack. Maybe this fisherman has a pet bear who sits in the shack watching Grizzly Adams DVDs, maybe peering out every now and again if the fisherman is late coming home.

3. Keith Allen eating chips

Not hard to find, you would have thought. The co-composer of Vindaloo, World In Motion and other songs produced to attempt to make the English feel good about themselves. If I was searching for this image I might type "Keith Allen stuffing his pug-ugly smug arsehole of a mouth full of lardy shite." But I'm not so I wouldn't.

4. Nick Rhodes erection

So much less common than Keith Allen eating chips. The last time Nick had a hard-on in public was at the 1983 recording session where he produced Kajagoogoo's Too Shy. For a laugh, Limahl and the two Nicks (Beggs and Rhodes) sprayed one of their many cans of hairspray down the front of their trousers. If you listen to the track closely you can hear laughter in the background of the chorus.

5. Man rude to Jeremy Kyle said he had big ears

In the words of Contains Mild Peril (as summarised by Google):-

What is the world coming to when a rude young man thinks he can push people...the people on the Jeremy Kyle Show. "You wait till I see him," said my aunt.

Did I really say that?


  1. That Victorian armpit hair is a first for me. And I've seen some strange ones.

    Most recent search on my blog is "shag Cat Deeley"

  2. Perhaps no2 searcher was a bad speller and was trying to say 'Bare in the window of a house on the beach in warmer deal'.
    He's obviously just taken advantage of the new British Gas offer.

  3. Oooo... I've just had one for "cock blog"

    Wonder who they're looking for?

  4. fatman5:00 PM

    I have lots of people looking for "lezbeans". I wrote a post about the terrible spelling in graffiti and apparently the culprits have spread to the web.

    Plus other more shocking searches I'll not repeat in such refined company. :)

  5. MJ - "Shag Cat Deeley": Is that an order? I'm afraid the people looking for cock blog who arrive at Farmer Giles come in for an awful disappointment. Unless, of course...no it doesn't bear thinking about.

    Kaz - Maybe he's off skinny dipping when the coast is clear. I hope he's wearing his jelly shoes as it's all pebbles at Deal.

  6. Thank you for saving our blushes, Fatman.

  7. I imagine Keith Allen being more of an omelette man...

  8. More Spanish than cheese.

  9. I got so many stragne hits on my website I used did much as you have done. I created a page of search errors: Hugh Pussy, Bridget Jones Dairy, Clash of the Titians and Dog Bread/Dog Breading being a few of the delights.

    However, Victorian Armpit Hair takes the biscuit. Or possibly takes to dog bread.

  10. I thought Hugh Pussy was in Bridget Jones's Dairy. Along with Colin Froth.