Thursday, February 01, 2007

Me and The Salesman: A Fantasy

I tell the salesman, "Last time we ordered one we had our old one with a company called A. The salesman said A were in the process of being taken over by a larger company and he himself was in the process of moving to a different company, B, and would we like to buy B's product? I thought that was a bit sneaky so neither A nor B got our business and we used C."

"Was it Harry W?" asks the salesman.

"Yes. Do you know him?"

"We took over A," he says. "Harry did leave for B but he was back with us within a year. He's not on the road any more, he's working in the office now, somewhere more suitable for a man of his experience. Lovely man, Harry. One of the best. Old school."

"No he wasn't," I say. "He was a smarmy creep just like you are, just like most salesmen I've had the displeasure to do business with. In fact, if I was writing Death of a Salesman, the death would involve horrific bollock-crunching torture. I'd like to see the salesman smarm his way out of that one."

13 comments:

  1. Geoff, I have to say, I love what you are doing with labels.

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  2. They deserve to be flogged or sold down the river Geoff.

    Was all this at your Ann Summers party?

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  3. I hate salesmen, but I also feel sorry for them.
    Just imagine having to be nice to everyone. I wouldn't last for 5 minutes.
    Am I the only alpha blogger left?

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  4. Billy - Thank you. New Blogger's giving me a new lease of life.

    Murph - I would have invited you but you would have chased all the rampant rabbits away.

    Kaz - They may appear to be nice but the buyer is just another sale to them. They always call you a wanker loser under their breath. I think there are a couple more alpha bloggers left. Don't you enjoy having to post the same comment twice?

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  5. I feel sorry for them too. You can always smell the desperation in everything the do.

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  6. The double-glazing salesman who said it was "a tragedy" we weren't buying his windows smacked of desperation. But he had wound me up to such a point if I'd had a gun I would have shot him. Down the phone line.

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  7. So this is Double Glazing related?
    Let me know how you get on ie; if the salesman's body is found, etc.

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  8. This particular encounter wasn't anything to do with double glazing. It was an office machine I was purchasing.

    I'll stop before I say too much.

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  9. I am alpha, hear me roar!

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  10. Alright, Iron John.

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  11. I am still Alpha too, but can't comment half the bloody time.

    I sometimes think I should go over to beta so I can leave the same comment 5 times.

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  12. Hey, that's my speciality.

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  13. Anonymous12:47 AM

    I just have to say that not all salesmen are snakes.. Thats like saying all engineers are gay and nerdy, or that all priests are child molesters, and all teachers sleep with thier students....My point is that every proffesion has its bad apples so dont group everyone together..

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