The meme of the year so far, created by Tim Footman, this one dedicated to the Snowman himself. See if you can spot the dedication...
Seven Things I Have Wanted To Be:
1. Footballer. The new Bobby Moore. Except my mum sewed my number 6 on upside down.
2. Songwriter. Trouble was I could only write shitty cod reggae. I took a tape of mine to an independent record company. They said the lyrics needed some work. It would have been kinder to be crueller.
3. Writer. I've written since my early 20s, never completed anything except for a shite play.
4. Fitter.
5. Happier.
6. More Productive.
7. Comfortable.
Seven Things I Have Been:
1. Money collector for a football pools company.
2. Supermarket shelf stacker.
3. Drugs tester (greyhound piss).
4. Tote cashier (greyhound stadium).
5. Insurance clerk (bored out of my fucking brain for a month).
6. Auditor.
7. Bookkeeper.
OOH, THE GLAMOUR! NURSE, THE SCREENS!
Betty could have been a Beverley Sister.
ReplyDeleteDid you ever find anything in Greyhound Piss, Geoff? And did you have to collect it?
Comfortable?
ReplyDeleteEver thought of going to DFS - I believe they have a 'Sale' on at the moment.
Or do you mean rich?
Murph - I didn't collect it. I tested it with some dodgy looking chemicals for one night. They all seemed to have the skull and crossbones on them and the piss made me want to retch. And the girl who got me a job had bad skin and I thought that was because of working with the chemicals. So I got a transfer to the Tote the next week.
ReplyDeleteKaz - Nos 4-7 are tongue in cheek. I couldn't think of any more. Though I could do with a more comfortable settee but then we'd need a bigger house.
No 9 wouldn't have been too bad though - I'm guessing but either Hurst, Greaves or Peters probably wore it at some time. How do you get a greyhound to piss on demand?
ReplyDeleteClyde Best. I didn't make a very good Clyde Best.
ReplyDeleteWhen I resigned from the testing job they could have offered me the collecting job. But that would have been taking the piss.
I'd forgotten him. No, you wouldn't have.https://www2.blogger.com/captcha?type=IMAGE&captchaKey=1qmtoro5uomxh
ReplyDeleteVisual verification
eh?
ReplyDeleteThe pools man who came to our house was not as interesting as the man from the Pru - who had a wooden leg.
ReplyDeleteI hope he didn't say "If you don't take out this policy, you won't have a leg to stand on."
ReplyDeleteI wanted to be Mick Ronson..until he died of course. I wanted to wail on Moonage Daydream and make it longer than Inagaddavida! I imagine that you've heard the Cybernauts version...Phil Collin could have used a good nickname like Slash..
ReplyDeleteanyway it is still in my top 5 songs of all time.
Was that asking too much?
I'd never heard of the Cybernauts, HE. Now I know I'm not so sure I want to hear them.
ReplyDeleteJoe Elliott & Phil Collen(Def Leppard) got togehter with Dick Decent(Lazy Dog) and a couple of original Spiders from Mars; Trevor Bolder and Woody Woodmansey, to record Bowie tunes, mainly from Ziggy.
ReplyDelete