The smell in Asda today is foul, although the smell in Asda today is not fowl but definitely porcine.
On special offer is the sausage apparently voted the country's best: the Porky White.
The woman speaking over the tannoy doesn't tell us who voted and which other brand of sausages were included in the shortlist of best English sausages. Was Porkinson's there? Or does Prince Charles have a special sausage in his Duchy range of organic good-for-you foods? Or were they just voted above plain old Wall's bangers?
Anyway, Porky Whites are the best. They just don't smell very nice. At Asda they are offering little portions of the PWs on sticks free of charge for Asda's hydrogenated fat saturated customers to sample. The portions look undercooked but they are being gobbled up. Most consumers return the sticks.
Whilst in Asda we buy some bog roll. We like the soft stuff as we have sensitive arses. In fact my arse has been known to weep in front of paticularly moving films.
This is our current bog roll of choice.
The reason I am none too impressed is because the hard looking little bastard on the packaging is apparently the new "MD" of the bog roll company. Apparently he will get back to you if you're in any way dissatisfied with your arse-wiping experience. I don't believe them. I can't see a psychopathic little shit like that manning the phones or dictating an apology to his secretary/mother. He's more likely to send his own shit wrapped in a paper nappy, recorded delivery to the poor sod whose arse was cut open by the shards of glass inserted in the bog roll by the same evil child.