Sunday, January 27, 2008

Look Away Now

Taking the gauntlet from the missus (see her links for more entertaining lists), the following is my list of Ten Songs That No Grown Man Should Own. As meme's go, this is one that all bloggers should have a go at. You think you're too cool, eh?

1. Follow You, Follow Me - Genesis
I could never understand the appeal of Gabriel-era Genesis. Far too clever for me. This, in 1978, was the first time they'd floated my boat. I saw them live a year or two later. They were shit.

2. Hotel California - The Eagles
The Eagles' Greatest Hits 1971-1975 is the world's third best selling album after Thriller and Back In Black. Our school had one AC-DC fan. Nobody liked Jacko or The Eagles. With Hotel California, The Eagles were past their best and in their pomp. Joe Walsh was a new Eagle. I loved Joe Walsh. This single is beyond the pale. but I don't care.

3. Welcome Home - Peters & Lee
My mum loved this song. I seem to remember her developing a fancy for Lennie Peters. This, and I Just Called To Say I Love You are the only two singles by blind performers she has admitted to liking over the years. I always thought Peters and Lee were an item but they were married to different people. The clue's in the name, dummy.

4. Big Seven - Judge Dread
Judge Dread was a big favourite of our Ronnie Corbett-lite friend of the family. We'd sit in his living room on a Sunday afternoon, two young families, and he'd play this sexist filth. Big Seven was a more complete record than Big Six. It is more lyrically rounded and he keeps the Jamaican accent all the way through, not wandering off to South America.

5. Macarena - Los Del Rio
Two creepy, pervy middle aged taxi drivers trying to get off with beautiful young women. Thinking they're in with a chance! No, Grandad. Keep your eyes on the road!

6. Private Investigations (12 inch) - Dire Straits
A vinyl film noir. From the album Love Over Gold about which Wikipedia says "Due to its lengthy atmospheric instrumentals it has been cited as the band's only album that resembles progressive rock, although not quite achieving it." There's something magnificent about not quite achieving progressive rock. A beautiful failure.

7. Call On Me - Eric Prydz
Pervy video with hot babes, ahem, "towelling" themselves down. Played to absolute fucking death on MTV Dance a couple of years ago. Based on Steve Winwood's Valerie, it shouldn't work but it does. Oh yes it so does!

8. Aqua Marina (Stingray Theme) - Gary Miller

Miller provided the singing voice for Troy Tempest. You really couldn't tell, Troy was that good. I was in love with the idea of Marina, a mermaid who would hold my hand and take me through the most unimaginably beautiful coral. She would hold my breath for me in a kiss.

9. The Last Waltz - Englebert Humperdinck
I love the idea of "two lonely people together". I look at all the lonely people. Where do they all come from?

10. Chant No. 1 (12 inch) - Spandau Ballet
Who can forget Robert Elms' poetic introduction to the Ballet's live Scala show? I hear True every day at work. It is my least favourite song of all time, that joke just isn't funny any more. But this slice of white funk still gets me up on the dancefloor.


  1. Betty warned you this would stray into "too much information" territory. Now I've got you in my mind doing the Macarena in a Great Yarmouth Disco.

  2. I've always do you, you know, DO it with a mermaid?

    Or did you not get past the hand holding and underwater kiss?

  3. I don't have any of those songs, but I have heard of some of them. To what extent is my opinion concurring with yours important with regard to musical taste?

  4. Anonymous6:42 PM

    I'm not sure I understand this meme. These are songs you shouldn't own, but do?

    Apart from that, yeah, I am too cool.

  5. I am heartbroken to find out after all these years that Peters and Lee were not a couple. Thanks a lot, Geoff.

    Can't blame you for your crush on Marina, she was a babe. Though I never remember her in the programme, only in the title sequence.

  6. Murph - I wouldn't be seen dead in a Great Yarmouth disco. Or I'd probably be dead within 5 minutes.

    MJ - Just think how much less anguish there'd be in the world if we didn't have to think about below the waist. We'd have to stay in the water though because I couldn't stomach the strong smell of fish.

    Vicus - Not at all. I wouldn't want any of these songs at my funeral.

    Bob - They are songs I should be deeply ashamed of liking. But I do.

    Annie - Troy wasn't allowed a love life. It made him pretty angry. In fact he got quite animated about it.

  7. Where do I start? You are a very brave man.

    Why would Dire Straits want to achieve prog rock?? Is that a joke? That and 'Macarena' shine out from the rest.

    Who cares what I think anyway ... probably the entire NME staff are reading and assessing your list.

  8. Do you remember the episode of Grange Hill where I think Zammo trained his pet labrador to bark in time with Macarena. It was brilliant. I LOVE that song. I might have to purge myself by doing this over at mine. Is it songs you like or actually own?

  9. Kaz - I'd be more embarrassed if I liked anything they push in the NME nowadays. I'm not brave, I've just got no shame.

    Romo - Are you sure you didn't dream that? It sounds great, though. I have owned 7 of those records. The other 3 I have loved from afar.

  10. Peters and Lee ... wasn't the large, pock-faced blind one a friend of the Krays? Maybe that's how he lost his sight, hanging around with psychotic gangsters who loved their dear old mum.

    And Judge Dread - what a man. He invented reggae as far as I'm concerned. Then that Marley bloke messed it all up.

  11. I can catagorically state that I do not and have never owned any of those records but I have danced the Macarena at a wedding reception. Kinda even things out in the cool / uncool stakes.

  12. Anthony - Maybe Lennie left his front door open. I remember Don Letts playing Dread at the 100 Club. Marley got the idea for his Catch A Fire album from the Judge's Pussy Catch A Fire.

    Istvanski - Well it's a damn sight more entertaining than New York New York.

  13. I thought hiring a Northern Soul dj for my wedding do would be sufficient security but no - someone still managed to play AND dance the Maccawhotsit.
    If I had to express a preference for puppet songs, it'd be 'Fireball XL5'.

  14. I hope you invited some new mothers to provide the talc. My friends had a string quartet and the DJ still ended up playing Sex Bomb.

    No, Fireball isn't a patch on Marina. And I wouldn't fancy getting in a spaceship called "Fireball". I'm superstitious that way.

  15. Macarena!? Now I don't feel ashamed to have Hannah Montana.
    How can I ever repay you.

    "The Last Waaaaaltz with you" Aah must have some BJ Thomas then? C'mon..
    "Raindrops keep fallin' on my head"

    I have always thought that Hotel California was meh...SoCal is OK I like Jay Ferguson's Thunder Island.

    You are a wonderful man and a great sport. Te go and sin no more my Son.

  16. Thank you, HE.

    May we never be ashamed.