Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Hello 2008

We dispensed with tradition last night. Tradition dictates we watch Hootenanny and shout expletives. But I just wasn't up for it last night. I couldn't bring myself to swear at Macca. Not after the year he's had.

We did turn over just before midnight just in time to see him do the song he always does nowadays because for some reason he thinks we all like it. We don't. This time he was accompanied by little Kylie and the obligatory Jools Holland band with Jools' little brother, Christopher. Yes, I know, our licence fee, etc etc...

Then they counted down from ten to one. We opened the front door to watch the fireworks as the breezy bollocked Scots Guards played Auld Lang Syne. All we could see was some badly dancing middle aged swingers in the window of the house across the road seemingly beckoning us to join them in their new year shenanigans. Well that's what it looked like in our inebriated state, so we shut the door pretty sharpish.

Most of the evening was spent watching The (100) Most Annoying People Of The Year 2007 on BBC3. I'd heard of most of them and most of them did annoy me. Three snippets of information I missed last year include...

1. The revelation that Mick Jagger used to get bees to sting him to enlarge his manhood.

2. The revelation that Bryan Ferry is an aficionado of Nazi style.

3. The revelation that former professional Christian athlete Jonathan Edwards had a crisis of faith and resigned from Songs Of Praise. I didn't know he had presented it in the first place!

My new year's resolution is to keep up with the news that matters.


  1. Is Viagra too pedestrian for Mick?

    Keep your eye on the neighbours. You may have some good blogging fodder there.

  2. Perhaps you can help me.
    I watched that programme last week.
    I am not sure whether I should have watched it so that I at least have some idea what people are talking about when they refer to these celebrities of whom I have either never heard, or know very little about what they are famous for. The alternative was to ignore it and applaud the fact that I do not read the tabloid newspapers nor watch the light entertainment programmes on Saturday night TV.
    I compromised by watching it, but liberally using the fast forward button.
    Was that the right choice?
    Who are you?

  3. Did Jonathan have to arm wrestle Thora Hurd for that gig? Those bees did a good job on Mick as he is an enormous manhood now.

    I enjoyed the Postman Pat section of the video but was dissapointed when the box didn't contain a wooden leg or a horses head.

  4. I'm amazed that you and Betty weren't watching 'Take That' at the 02 arena at the stroke of midnight.
    May you have an excellent New Year untroubled by annoying people on the telly or off - XX.

  5. MJ - During the acid house era, Mick was sorted for bees and wizz. I'm scared of the neighbours. They're probably scared of us.

    Vicus - I think you made the right choice. We're watching the whole thing but still can't remember who half the American celebrities are. We've recorded Hootenanny and will fast forward through the whole of that.

    Murph - Thora passed the Songs Of Praise baton to Jonathan, he ran off the track and jumped into the sand. As for the video, it was just a shame the song had to start.

    Kaz - The 02's just up the road but the bus takes about an hour and a half. I got goosebumps just thinking how close Gary was last night. An excellent new year to you, too.

  6. "Mick Jagger used to get bees to sting him to enlarge his manhood."

    Don't believe a word of it, Geoff.
    What happens when the swelling eventually goes down? Will he have to call the bee-keeper back?

    When they mentioned that, it was probably just a coded reference back to those halcyon Marianne Faithful days. Mick's old habits die hard, but these days he uses a Crunchie bar.

  7. I wouldn't want to see him unravel his Curly Wurly.

  8. I live in the country so I'm wondering whether I ought to get a peacock and a mandolin - are they obligatory?

    I'm not surprised by any of those revelations, the 4 horsemen would have been more exciting!

  9. If you can't play the mandolin you have no right living in the country. Look at John Peel!

  10. I have a mandolin. Can't play it very well though.

  11. but he's dead isn't he?
    I believe mandolin's have the same fingering as the violin so I probably could play one extremely badly if I tried.
    I wonder if the postman would expect a cup of tea if I ordered one...?
    He was a fairly ugly postman though but that's Kent for you.

  12. Billy - You know what you need. You need to live in a house, a very big house in the country.

    Ziggi - I thought Macca lived in Sussex, not that I'm defending Kentish men or anything. Funny you get firemen calendars but not postmen.