"Excuse me? Can you tell me the way to St Martin's Lane?"
I have to think about this one. I can tell her. I've been there many times. It's only five minutes walk away. I almost step into a puddle.
"I know where it is. I just can't..."
"You know. Where J Sheekeys is. The fish restaurant."
Shit. Yes, I know where J Sheekeys is. The fish restaurant. She's off to get her Omega-3s.
"It's...it's...not the first right..."
"The next right?"
"Yes."
"Thank you."
Shit, it's left. I'm sure it's left. I'm not shouting after her. I'm not running after her. She'll suss it out. And I'll never see her again.
I buy some smoked salmon and a bagel.
The Staircase in the Woods by Chuck Wendig
3 hours ago
That happened to me. The other week I gave someone directions. They asked for a road I walk down every single day, every single fucking day, and I pointed them in the wrong direction. As soon as they asked my mind went blank. And I started yammering and talking bollocks. I sent them totally the wrong way. As soon as they'd headed off I realised I was wrong - but too late. Luckily, about 20 minutes later they came walking back and, to cap my day off, gave me a long, hard reproachful look. Nice.
ReplyDeleteWe had tuna tonight.
Yes, the evidence is in, fish eating fucks your brains.
ReplyDeleteMe? Vegetarian. Never given anyone the wrong directions. QED.
Where did I put my keys?
nzypxi - extremist member of fairyland.
Wyndham - I can never give the right directions. I can walk people to their destination. But I can't explain routes. The other day a friendly American man asked me the way to the post office. I described half the journey (1 minute). He said, "God bless you". If he'd have known me he would've said, "God damn you."
ReplyDeleteVicus - I'm never going to eat fish again. But if I don't eat meat my fucked digestion turns itself against me.
Do fruitarians have a sense of direction?
Just a sense of unbearable smugness.
ReplyDelete