Richard Ashcroft is the New Robbie Williams

AN OFFICE. SOMETIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE...


Hello, Leanne. It's Chris Cockerel from Capital FM.

Hello, Chris!

What about this Darren, then? Is he gorgeous?

He's lovely, Chris.

And you get on well? You're getting good vibes?

We really click, Chris. We have a laugh. There's a real chemistry between us.

How long have you known each other?

Six months.

And you fancy the pants off him?

He's gorgeous, Chris.

And you've never been able to pluck up the courage to ask him out?

No.

And you want me to ask him out on your behalf?

Yes.

Because you're scared of him turning you down?

No!

Then why don't you ask him yourself?

BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ON THE RADIO, CHRIS!

And if he says "no"?

He wouldn't dare, Chris. He'll say yes to anything you ask him.

Why's that?

Because you're great. We all think you're great. Everybody in the office thinks you're great.

Why am I great?

YOU PLAY THE SONGS WE LIKE!

You like Richard Ashcroft?

I love Richard Ashcroft. We all love Richard Ashcroft.

You know what?

What?

I'm going to play you a Richard Ashcroft song. Then I'm going to speak to your man. Is Darren listening?

Course he is. He loves you, Chris.

Darren...Are you there?

Chris?

Darren...Do you like Richard Ashcroft?

I LOVE RICHARD ASHCROFT!

Darren...I'm going to play you a Richard Ashcroft song. Then I'm going to ask you whether you fancy a date with Leanne, all expenses paid, at a top restaurant...this Friday.

Fantastic...

Don't tell me your answer. I'm going to ask you the question after THIS Richard Ashcroft song...