Sunday, August 27, 2006

Jamie Oliver Beetroot Cancer Scare

Looks harmless, doesn't it?

But this little red root vegetable was yesterday at the centre of an enormous furore which at one point seemed to be leading towards litigation against Channel 4 by the famous celebrity chef.

"I thought I was pissing blood," said the celebrity chef after eating 3 kilos of the superfood in one week in preparation for the forthcoming Jamie Oliver series, Superfoods For Super Kids.

The premise behind the series is to hothouse three poor inner city five year old children to prepare them to take Media Studies GCSEs at the age of 11.

The controversial "Superfood" method of study developed by controversial University of Utah professor, Professor Gordon Osmond, includes eating seemingly vomit-inducing volumes of porridge, turkey, blueberries and beetroot. Oliver was persuaded to front the series by British Superfood Guru, Dr Gillian McKeith.

"She said she really fucking believed in the guy," said Oliver. "I told her I'd go ahead with the series but I'd have to test the method myself before trying it out on the kids. She said it was ok, my shit could take it."

Neither McKeith nor Channel 4, however, thought to warn Oliver about the side effects of eating large amounts of beetroot.

"They made me feel such an idiot," said Oliver. "How was I to know my piss would turn red because of the beetroot? I was worried out of my mind for a whole week. I couldn't sleep and I couldn't tell Jools what was wrong."

Channel 4 have today apologised to the chef and made an undisclosed donation to a charity of his choice.


  1. If superfoods were any good, Gillian McKeith wouldn't look like Gillian McKeith.
    Is that prof Donny's dad?

  2. The Osmonds didn't get where they are today without industrial quantities of blueberry pie.

    Did you know when Little Jimmy recorded Long-Haired Lover he was able to reel off the names of the grounds of all the clubs in the Football League?

  3. To this day my Mum makes cheesecake to a recite published in the Osmonds strip in Jackie Magazine around 1972.

  4. Anything that makes all the rest of your food pink is good by me.

  5. My friend went to casualty once because she was so 'scared' by what beetroot did to her.

    That's the *real* Casualty not the TV one.

  6. It is a bit disconcerting the first time it happens.

  7. Try a combination of beetroot and Guinness. Intense.

  8. Uz country boys know all about our piss going red when we eat beetroot. Especially good fun when you are pissing at the top end of a long crowded public urinal. That gets em going.

  9. Tim - Intense stream or colour?

    Tom - I've always wondered about slopes on urinals. Is the top end always to the left?

  10. Geoff, I don't think this is governed by convention. I'm pretty sure it's all to do with the layout of the drainage system.But i will keep a check on it from now on. God, I'm a boring bloke sometimes.

  11. You're boring?

    I'm the one who asked the question.

  12. Geoff, Geoff, that's a cartoon vegetable. It's not a real one.

    *wyndham rolls eyes*

  13. Jamie Oliver waited for a whole week to find out why he was passing blood through his John Thomas? HUH?

    Actually I was quite impressed with his nutrition crusade to save kids from cafeteria schlop.