Monday, December 01, 2008

Black, Black, Black

So it's December and our thoughts turn, depressingly, to Christmas.

My mum bought this year's Christmas cards last year.

"But I can't send them," she says.

"Why not?" I say.

"Because the envelopes are black with a small white window in which you write the addresses. I can't send black envelopes."

"Why not?" I say.

"I can't send black envelopes to people who've lost someone. It would bring it all back."

"Christmas is a time for remembering dear, departed loved ones. Maybe all envelopes containing Christmas cards should be black."

Is what I didn't say.


I've given up halfway through the Kitty Kelley book The Family: The Real Story Of The Bush Dynasty. It's been dragging me down for months. And as Nick Hornby said to Clive James the other night, "There's too much to read out there. So if you're not enjoying something, put it down and read something else." Or words to that effect.

What have I learnt from the book? That Grandpa Bush wasn't anywhere near as right wing as Pa Bush. And we all know about Baby Bush, don't we?

I went to the local 70% off discount book shop yesterday and picked up five novels. I've decided to get back into reading fiction, maybe alternating one fiction followed by one non-fiction. I've started The Beach this morning. Yes, I know I'm late to the party! So point at me!

The trouble is, once I start reading fiction I become all confident and think I can write it. Then I start writing and quickly realise it's shit. I'm really more suited to this, churning out bollocks every other day. I'm good at writing bollocks. I don't mind sharing my bollocks but I'm keeping my shit to myself.


  1. I was thinking about this blogging lark earlier today - the thing is we write stuff and a few people read it, and that's it really. Sometimes I go to a blog and there's all this writing and not a soul commenting, and presumably no-one reading either. Some of it's ok too, some is shit for sure. I wonder how the totally unread feel - I'll let you know cos I'm gonna find out soon if I don't stop writing about horses.

  2. My personal phrase is, "Life is too short for bad books."

    I coined that one after reading Anne Rice's "The Mummy" but throwing it down just before the final chapter.

    Never did find out how it ended.

    Now, if a book doesn't reel me in by the end of the first chapter, I trade it for another.

    More bollocks, please.

  3. Tom: I read your blog and enjoy the horsey bits but I don't comment on a regular basis.

    So you keep up your bollocks as well.

  4. May I, as a writer of the most profound bollocks, lend my support to the campaign to keep you writing.

  5. What a wonderful last sentence Geoff.
    I love your bollocks.

  6. Yep, I'm always up for some bollocks...
    Christmas... I have some black tinsel somewhere...

  7. what fine bollocks you all have - just lovely

  8. Tom - There's no excuse for not being read at least once. All you do is link to some blogs you like then access them via your blog. That's my advice to an up and coming blogger who may be a bit shy about commenting.

    MJ - I bought Anne Rice's first book on the advice of Sting. Sting! The Bush book was interesting but you can only read so much about people you don't like.

    Vicus - When I think of you I think of original bollocks.

    Kaz - Virtual bollocks, I know. But I feel the love.

    Scarlet - I'd put some decorations round my bollocks but I'm not very creative in that way.

    Ziggi - Excellent bollocks one and all. The more bollocks the merrier, especially at this time of year.

  9. Black envelopes? That's so emo. Or goth. Take your pick.

    Personally, I like to send red envelopes with the addresses written in green biro. Makes the postmen go cross-eyed trying to read them.

    PS: Never mind the bollocks!

  10. Didn't you get as far as Kate in the Kitty Kelley Book Geoff?

    There's so much bollocks here Hitler would have been very jealous.

    (sorry, I have to mention the wordver. dissli. sorry)

  11. I'm


    Everyone should get black cards, trees, and Santa, should be dressed in Black...and it should be called Xmas!

    I find it interesting that young people are now far more interested in dressing up and celebrating Hallowe'en with the ones that they love rather than putting on a faux-show at crizzmakkus..
    I think that they're on to something.

  12. Chris - I've a good mind to send a round robin email this year. That's if I can find a picture of a round robin.

    Murph - I did try to read a book about Kate earlier in the year, something like Kate Bush: My Part In Her Downfall. I read even less of that than the George one. The author was too wacky for me.

    Donn - Death is not the end. The afterlife is one long party.

  13. Geoff, Tom909, Vicus and everyone, just keep writing. Don't ever stop. Essentially we're writing for ourselves, not for blog-friends, not even the ones that are kind enough to take the trouble to comment, not even for the thousands of people out there lurking. Don't worry about it, don't give in to blogger's hypochondria. Play the 'next blog' game (clicking the NEXT BLOG button at the top of the screen) successively and it's obvious what a mighty constellation of first magnitude blog-stars you all are.

  14. You're right, Christopher. None of us should worry.

    And the next blog was dedicated to speedway. vrrrm.