The other night I dreamt Russell Brand was my mum's boyfriend. And I was jealous of him! I gave him a basket full of green apples either to show my envy or to bribe him to leave her alone.
When I saw my mum last night I didn't tell her of the dream. She doesn't like Russell Brand. He's too crude. Paul O'Grady, now that's what an entertainer should be like.
I told her about the choice of free books we got at work, only 0.0000001% of which got a review.
"Did you get the George Chisholm one?" she asked me.
"Is it an autobiography? I thought he was dead."
"No, not 'Chisholm'. 'Grisholm'. Did you get the George Grisholm book? Your stepdad's just ordered it on eBay."
"Oh, 'Grisham'! John Grisham!"
"That's it. Did you get it?"
7 hours ago