Saturday, December 27, 2008

Simon On The Road

More proof in today's Guardian that Simon Hoggart doesn't live in the real world.

There he is, moaning about motorway service station food and bigging up those lovely quiet, country pubs a mere ten mile round trip from a convenient junction.

" was wonderful: amazingly helpful staff, really nice food, a selection of real ales that would have been seriously tempting if I hadn't been driving, and ferocious log fires."

Yes, Simon. It sounds like a nice place for a pub lunch, if a little fucking hot. But an extra half an hour driving and an extra hour to wait for your food as you look longingly at the beer pumps like a fox slavering over chickens in a safe coop! Still, I suppose you've got all the time in the world as you go up and down the country by train and car, week in, week out, for no apparent reason.

"They were full but somehow found another table for us. 'Well, we couldn't turn you away, could we?' said the landlady."

Of course they're not going to turn you away, Simon! There's a pretty good chance you're going to give them free advertising as you're always banging on about what you've eaten the previous week! Unless, of course, they're in the habit of letting any old travelling Joe and Joanne turn up unannounced and share a table with a family of welcoming locals.


  1. He's probably on his way for a quick shag with Kimberly Quinn so a Motorway Service is not what he has in mind.

  2. Blunkett used to take the B-roads.

  3. I met Kimberley Quinn once. She was pleasant, but after a while she excused herself, saying she had to get back to relieve the nanny.

    In retrospect, I don't think it was the nanny she was relieving.

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  5. Isn't Simon Hoggart the Cambridge educated bloke who wrote a best selling book mocking John Prescott's use of English?

  6. 'nice food, real ale and a fire'? What - has he never been in a pub before??

  7. Tim - Maybe it was her nickname for the old goat.

    Kaz - This week he is "enjoying" a round robin from a family who have had a tragic year and have the temerity to take comfort in their faith. They're not thanking God all these horrible things happened, Simon, they're thanking God for being there in their time of need!

    Beth - A country pub with a nice atmosphere? What is the world coming to?

  8. Anonymous1:44 PM

    If he was seriously rich, he'd have a driver, then he could partake of the ale.

  9. I think he drinks enough in the evenings as it is.