Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Chinese Burn

Our annual local restaurant family meal occurred on Sunday. We were celebrating our mum's 76th. My sister was also celebrating the fact that, for the second year running, she won't have to spend Christmas Day in my miserable company. She's off to Whistler where there's going to be 75 metres of snow over Christmas. Or something like that. A Whistler's mother of a snowfall.

The Chinese restaurant was absolutely packed, mainly populated by friends and family of the man with the big badge which stated it was his sixtieth birthday.

"He's not sixty!" exclaimed my mum in a loud voice. "He's seventy if he's a day!"

I ate and drank too much and Monday at work was spent feeling a bit nauseous. The longer the day went on the more I realised the two weren't necessarily connected.

"There's a 24 hour sickness bug going round," I was told.

I'm very open to persuasion when it comes to illnesses. I went straight to the chemists after work. I needed some travel sickness pills to combat the discomfort.

"Hello, Geoff!" said the assistant in a very friendly manner.

I don't know her and she doesn't know me as far as I know. But ever since she started working at the chemists she's greeted me in the same way. I'm beginning to think maybe she does know me. The only place I can think she knows me from is primary school. But I can't tell her age. She might be ten years younger than me. I can't ask her if she knows me from primary school. My date of birth is on my repeat prescription. I could receive a slap in the face.

"You're almost 46, Geoff! You were doing your Eleven-Plus when I was born, you cheeky sod!"

"Well how do you know me?"

She's not over-familiar with the other customers. She must know me from primary school.

She's not the girl who gave me a Chinese burn and made me cry, is she? If she is, that's bit of a turnaround. The little bitch who dished out unwarranted punishment is now handing out stuff to make people feel better.

Well, my dear, let me tell you...

Some scars don't heal.


  1. Perhaps she's a pal of the guy on the train!

  2. When I was at school, someone got puncher because the puncher wanted to know if punching made the same noise as it does on the A Team.

  3. Erm, that should be someone got punched, obviously.

  4. Kaz - I bloody well hope not. If so they must be onto me.

    Billy - I've never seen the A Team but I presume it's not a dull thud. It would be good if a punch produced the kapows you get in Batman. With none of the pain, of course.

  5. must have been one hell of a Chinese burn if you still have the scar - normally we do those in primary schools because the mark fades very quickly and you can deny any abuse.

  6. It is an emotional scar. I notice you say "we do those", Ziggi. So you are one of the Chinese burners, are you? I don't know how you lot live with yourselves.

  7. Perhaps this chemist's assistant is a mirage brought on by your 24 hour man flu bug?

  8. No, I've definitely seen her before.

    I think.

  9. Ask her if she can recommend a nice unguent for emotional scars. It'll either trigger her memory of her awful deed or she'll mark you down as a nutter and stop talking to you.

  10. I'm going to ask her next time I see her. Not for an unguent but how she knows me. I'm going to pluck up the courage.

    By the way, has "pluck up the courage" got anything to do with white feathers? Fascinating where these phrases come from, isn't it?

  11. No Geoff. "Pluck up the Courage" used to be Folk Night at a North Kent pub in Longfield I am reliably informed.

    If this chenmist lady is as reserved as you, just give her the prescription and say : "Let's dispense with formalities, shall we?".

  12. Listening to Folk music whilst drinking Courage Best! I can't explain how jealous I am.

    I'd just like to put on record that I have no designs on this woman. But I can understand how she could be attracted to a man with my multiple ailments.